Offensive term partner used (disability)

[Pickleburry123]

Hi
I am in a relationship have been on and off for 2 years. It's been a rocky ride to say the least. One thing that's come up lately that's really upset me is my partner who when in a silly mood does a baby voice being playful or so I thought. When we were talking I said oh when you do that voice talking about something funny he said and he said oh what the baby sp** voice. It shocked me not only because it is offensive but I am disabled, I have muscular dystrophy and part of that is spasticity I have to wear afos because of it, I felt deeply offended and hurt and when I tried to explain it to him he was ok at first and then got moody and wanted me to shut up about it but I can't see past it, I didn't know all this time his baby voice was actually him mocking disabilities. I feel so hurt and the problem is when I bring things up with him he gets angry. I don't feel I am over reacting but he makes me feel like I can't talk about it by getting angry with me. What would you do? I feel so upset and lost but things always seem to be brushed aside because of his anger and wanting me to just shut up.

It's not my default response, but LTB

Yes, that's so far beyond unacceptable, he needs to go.

Oh God, get rid of this one. I thought that after the first two sentences and I thought it even more after I read the rest.

I am in a relationship have been on and off for 2 years. It's been a rocky ride to say the least.
I feel so upset and lost but things always seem to be brushed aside because of his anger and wanting me to just shut up.

Would you not be happier being single?

OP, he‘s a hateful bellend who uses his anger as a bullying tool to silence you. Please get rid of him ASAP.

Me and DH would be cancelled immediately if anyone heard the names we call each other and the in jokes we have but it’s equal, consensual and always related to things we’re comfortable mocking about ourselves. We just didn’t grow out of the teenage dark humour when together.

Once in the decades we’ve been together I took one joke personally and he immediately took it back, reassured me and never said it again because in that moment it wasn’t the right move. This guy seems so unpleasant, especially if you aren’t one to joke about your disability or reclaim that word- throw this one back. You deserve better OP.

He sounds very, very unpleasant.

What is LTB?

acronym for leave the bastard

Not just me then - GF and I have some banter between us that many wouldn't find funny!

I strongly sympathise with OP here

All couples have in jokes and call each other possibly offensive things to the outside world but being thoughtlessly cruel like this is totally unacceptable

Nope, definitely us too! I’m a pretty ‘woke’ person but there are pretty much no limits as long as it applies to one of us. I would LTB in OP’s situation though- thats just nasty.

I said 'spaz' to someone a few months ago.. as in 'spazout' and instantly felt like a massive, stupid idiot. She pulled me up on it and I said sorry, felt very, very ashamed... would never say that again and can honestly not tell you where the words came from inside me.

Saying something stupid once and regretting it, knowing better and moving on is very different from long term mocking.

Think carefully if there are other examples of bullying here. Potential LTB.

If he is offensive to you and you have told him that he is and yet he still continues - that is emotional abuse. If he tells you to shut up and wont discuss it, that is abuse.
The man ( I use the term loosely) is either immature or doing it on purpose - either way get rid.

I hate the S word and it also applies to me as I have Cerebral Palsy. I’m 60 now and I still shudder if I hear it, even in a medical context.
I prefer Increased tone.
You said your relationship has been on and off and I’d call it off with this ignorant twat permanent
It’s a disabilist slur now.

The thing is he knew how much it hurts what is going on with my body and he knew I came off a social media platform because someone called me that because of my speech, he knew how much it hurts me that I can't walk and that I have cried over it, this is just the real him I guess, he's now saying he never meant it relationship to spasticity!?? Which makes no sense, I feel he's just trying to get out of whay he has said.

What did he think it was short for then??? I'm afraid that IS him, when people say that's not who I am, and they've said what they said, it IS who they are.

Ah the old 'I was only joking' or 'you are so sensitive'.
No. don't buy that little gem of a comment either.
Someone who genuinely loves and cares for you will never speak to you in that way or blame you for what they did.
Could you imagine yourself being similar to him - saying something to hurt him? And then doing it again when you saw how upset you had made him?
No, of course not. Decent human beings do not behave like that. EVER.
Nasty little man.

I feel so hurt and the problem is when I bring things up with him he gets angry. I don't feel I am over reacting but he makes me feel like I can't talk about it by getting angry with me. What would you do?

I'd leave. Why have you put up with this for two years, never mind the S* comment?

My daughter has cerebral palsy and this particular has cause her so many issues at school. It doesn’t offend her personally because she’s cynical enough to let it roll off her, but she knows so many people are bothered by it and challenges anyone who uses it. She was told by other kids she was wrong as they believed it was “just a Scottish word for stupid”. Annoyingly she was the one the teacher called out for being rude to other kids when she challenged them on it.

Its a tough one because it still is in common usage so, if it was a one off, I’d probably explain why it’s not a good word to use and if he is apologetic, then let it pass. If he fights on it, I’d leave.

Same. Also CP and I absolutely hate the word. It was the word my bullies frequently used. And they used it to make me feel less than. Wrong. I'm 48 and I still react viscerally when I hear it.

Seriously He knows the word upsets you. It’s like the constant posters complaining about PIP given to undeserving.” Oh, I didn’t mean claimants like you”
Its a horrible word and he’s pig ignorant
You deserve someone sensitive and kind, not this Piece of shit

As a fellow disabled woman - LTB. I promise you it will get worse as the layers of his ‘personality’ peel off.

I am in a relationship have been on and off for 2 years. It's been a rocky ride to say the least

I would be dumping for the above reason alone. You've only been together two years and in that short time it's been 'on and off' and 'a rocky ride'? That's not a healthy relationship and it's not going to get better.

The word he used is horrible in any circumstance and doubly so given that you have a disability yourself, but it's obvious that this a really shitty relationship even without that. Just dump him; he's awful.