Hi everyone,
so, my back story is this. I am 1 of 4 children, and the only girl. My mum and dad are still together and there was no trauma growing up, I had a very healthy childhood. The only thing that I suppose I dealt with growing up was that I was kind of left to my own devices because from a young age I was quite head strong and grown up whereas my 3 brothers were very needy of our parents so my parents knew I could fend for myself, for example, I got my first job when I was 13 and I would get the last bus home in the dark on my own because my parents always trusted me.
I was in a relationship with my daughter’s dad for 11 years, we have a daughter who is now 7 but we broke up when she was 3. Our relationship fizzled out, we became lodgers and very little of any intimacy was involved. We tried relationship counselling but then one night we had a conversation and decided we were both unhappy and decided it was best to go our seperate ways. We are still friends and we talk regularly for our daughter and there is no animosity.
I have been with someone new for nearly 3 years and we now have a 4 months old son together. I love my partner so much, and he has brought me so much happiness however I am starting to feel the relationship fizzle again. We are both self employed, with a new baby, trying to juggle a lot of plates and life is very stressful for the both of us however I want to prevent it from happening. I’m starting to think it’s me.
the reason I think it’s me, is because I only have 1 friend and I have had the same bestfriend for 17 years. I have people around me like sisters in laws etc but as far as friends go, she’s my only one and the reason for that is, I’m crap at maintain friendships. I’m quite a selfish person, I only care about my own which is my children and my partner, I put 1000% into my kids and him plus work every day so I struggle to find time between that for “girlfriends”. I have lost friends because of this even though I think very highly of them but I just can’t bring myself to have small talk when I have so many more important things to be doing.
my worry is now that I am becoming that way with my partner, he said that I don’t really show him any affection anymore and that I can be quite cold at times. My reason for this is quite a few things, my partner has become quite lazy in the bedroom, he doesn’t want sex after a certain time because he’s too tired yet it’s the only time my brain is actually switched off enough to even contemplate sex so I’ve started worrying that it’s me he’s not attracted to because when we get into bed, it’s like a chore. so then I start overthinking and pay attention to every little thing he does, if he’s on his phone too much, I “nag” at him about spending time with me and actually enjoying each others company but then I start overthinking that he obviously doesn’t want to be with me if he would rather scroll on tik tok for 3 hours. I’m not sure if I’m sabotaging my relationship and convincing myself that he doesn’t love me just because I live in fairy land.
he tells me all the time he loves me, and he is always here and supports me and our family a lot. I actually can’t fault him in that sense, I just worry so much about him not wanting me and I don’t know where it’s coming from.
its starting to affect my mood now, and I’m not actually nice to be around. I’m quite boring and frustrated a lot whereas I’m naturally a really happy, care free person and it’s really starting to get to me.
Please help