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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It's just going to be more of the same isn't it?

2 replies

FFSSue · 06/05/2025 22:58

Married to partner of many years, now both in our late 60's. On the whole the marriage has been happy but we have always had separate friendship groups( no friends as a couple). My husband's passion is classic cars & for as long as we've been together every bank holiday weekend he has gone off with his mates. I found this profoundly irritating esp when our kids were younger & I would be at home on my own with the kids. I'd take them out & see other families with the Dad there & it made me resentful especially because one child has profound physical disabilities. Now I quite like him going away, maybe a little too much.
Those kids are now adults & both still at home. I am still caring for my now adult child with disabilities, our local services are atrocious, we tap into services that we can but all day time activities & no respite at all so if I'm lucky I get 2 nights away once a year when my husband steps in. I would go more but the child I care for is very attached to me & creates such a hullabaloo it hardly seems worth it. Also my energy levels have dropped considerably in the last few years
Of late I have noticed my husband is getting a bit forgetful, grumpy, having trouble with technology(his phone), using apps to book GP appts & banking. This evening he mistook a barcode for an expiry date on medication & showed me 'how old' the medicine was when it was just a few months out of date. He'll often ask me to clarify things for him & explain them when only a few years back the boot was on the other foot.
I have to have a minor procedure under local anaesthetic & husband was charged with minding our child till carer arrives but has come down sick at the weekend & I can tell is in a mood that I will out of action for a day or two.
I really feel that my life has shrunk down to the microcosm that's my home. I don't feel appreciated & I don't see any improvement coming. I would not be financially secure enough to set up on my own with my disabled child & would struggle to get the kind of support I feel I need. I'm just so fed up with every aspect of my life at the moment & can't see it changing.

OP posts:
OhLucinda · 06/05/2025 23:46

That all sounds really tough.

Any chance you could talk to your husband about how you feel?

All of that is too much for one person and it sounds like you’re being taken for granted.

I think this could be one of the kinds of situations where counselling could be really useful. It might help you to have a proper vent and come up with a plan for going forward in your life.

MoveYourSelfDearie · 07/05/2025 09:25

It sounds like you're concerned if your DH is showing the first symptoms of dementia and you're worried you're going to end up as your DHs career as well as your child's.
If you stay with him, make sure it's out of love for him. Not money or obligation. You'll find a way without him if that's what you want to do. Counciling, speaking to a friend or posting on here might be useful to figure out what you want. Speak to a solicitor, cab, social services etc and find out what would be your financial situation and care situation if you left. If services are awful where you live, you can always move away

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