My sisters wedding abroad. We manage to get a newborn and a 2/3yo child over there without a hitch. Perfect flight. Accommodation amazing. Weather glorious. Everything great.
Day one is the young child’s birthday. We did their presents and party a week before so they could have the full experience. So we didn’t do the whole birthday thing as didn’t want to confuse them. But we did want to have a really nice day. Planned to visit a very cool park, have lunch and an other fun visit for the afternoon.
My parents didn’t want to come to the planned events. Said they wanted to chill. Many family were arriving in the town so not offended by this. We had one car between us all. They said they would be fine making their own way around with taxis and for us not to worry about them.
My mother is very intense and stressy, also a contrarian. Constantly doing the opposite to what I say. Ie. On the plane keeps telling my child he can come out of his seatbelt and wander the plane. I say no please (as what an utter nightmare it would be to get him back in). This is just one example. It’s a constant stream. Minor and major. My dad is quiet. Quite intense also but can be lighthearted and is usually the reasonable one.
Anyway. We have the best day. Then get home at 7pm. No sight of my parents but then they have met many in the town so assume they are having a great time drinking. Received a phone call half an hour later. Can we pick them up? I said ‘oh, DP has just had half a beer and we are doing dinner and bedtime’. Do you really need picking up? They say it’s fine no worries - they can get a cab.
Turns out getting a cab was a nightmare and another relative had to drive them back. We say oh no. Sit down and start dinner for ourselves. I say to my mum well what’s the plan for tommorow then? She says why do we need to make plans? I said because it would be nice to tell DC what we are doing and also as we have to make sure we share the car now. She’s going on and on drunk about why do we need to tell DC what we are doing? Clearly just wanting to critique our parenting. I said because we do and why is it a big deal. Takes serious offence that we told DC we were going to the park. I said why does it matter. This is clearly annoying you - why? She said it is. She doesn’t know why and will think about it. I said well we need a plan because of the car anyway. Then starts gaslighting that it was me who said we should have one car and it’s all my fault. Ends up in her screaming at me whilst I am just sitting trying to eat dinner.
Meanwhile my partner left. It’s best to avoid my mum when she’s drunk and on a warpath like this. It’s quite normal. He went and sat with my dad in the porch as thought he looked lonely. Started chatting about a work meeting tomorrow that was worrying him. My dad turns round and very spitefully starts saying he deserves everything he gets for ripping off public services (which he doesn’t otherwise we wouldn’t get any work). DP then just leaves and goes to bed but quite upset and shocked.
Next morning I find out about the incident with my dad. I was very sad, quite shaken. With tears in my eyes said please can you apologise to DP. He said he never said that. I said well you did. Mum comes blazing in. Huge argument where she’s screaming that we are liars. DP and I both call them out and say you might not remember but it happened and last night was outrageous behaviour and we aren’t having it.
Anyway they didn’t get over it. For the whole week they sulked, silent treatment, and when the did interact were spiteful and nasty to me and DP. Ignored the children who were so naively wanting to interact with them. Huffing, door slamming. Would blow up every now and then about how it’s all our fault and we want to ruin the wedding. I felt so embarrassed and awful that I was putting my DP and children through this but I couldn’t leave. I think that’s what they wanted. They always pit my sister and I against each other in manufactured petty drama. It wasn’t an option to leave before her wedding.
We held it together but it was foul. We put on brave faces and tried our best to show up for the wedding and ancillary events and I think it went unnoticed. I tried reasoning with my parents. They then decided it wasn’t me it was all DP. A long list of offences from pre-argument included he was not happy with the house (untrue), not happy with the car seats (true but he didn’t express that just quietly grappled with them for the best part of 40 minutes trying to get them as well attached as possible); that we thought the car was ours and had no intention of sharing, we were ungrateful, rude, that we were originally unhappy (untrue).
It was honestly a week from hell. So petty. So damaging I don’t think we can come back from this. My DP shaken and in tears at times. My children confused and rejected. My poor sister likely picked up on something too, I don’t know how she couldn’t have - her wedding day tainted.
It’s all so dramatic and over nothing (well I suspect they were upset we didn’t pick them up?). I have no idea. Would you go NC?