seems trivial ... dh's assumptions!

[Weegiemum]

Fed up with dh assuming that I will do the childcare ... espt the emergency childcare.

Dh is great, really great. He tidies, does laundry, looks after kids a lot, works hard, loves me to bits ...

But.

(there's always one of those ...)

This morning dd1 is off school - headlice. We are both at college full time, (he also works to pay our way - he works rather than me bcause as a locum GP he earns more in a day than I would in a week as a supply teacher) while I stay at home with kids while he is at work. He has always said that what I do is harder than his job, and appreciated what I have done, there's no 'his money ... my money' - we have always said we both earn it!

But this morning dh (who normally works Mondays as no lectures) has merrily gone off to college, just assuming that I will stay home with dd1. I could really do with being in the library today. I am already behind with my work as have had to take a good few days off with dd2 as she has a hip disorder and has just had chickenpox.

I don't really feel like I have that much to worry about. I just feel hacked off that he seems to value his time more highly than mine. I'll be free from lunchtime as we have childcare for the afternoon who s happy to be here with lousy dd1. But I had a lot I wanted to do this morning, and of course now here I am sounding off on MN instead of just getting on at home, its not as if dd1 can't entertain herfelf for a while,and I will get a good bit done.

Flip, I feel so unreasonable. It's just that my time is valuable too. Maybe I should have posted in AIBU?

He's taken today off work as he has a lot to do for college .. but didn't think that maybe he could work at home and let me go to the library. Oh no!

I think this happens a lot - and sometimes partners just don't realise they're making these assumptions.

It's always assumed that I'll be the one who takes time off out of us two as well - sounds` like you need to maybe say something, very tactfully? He probably just didn't even think about it, rather than deliberately making the assumption.

Sounds like you don't mind actually doing it, but would like him to acknowledge that you're doing it, is that right? nothing wrong with that, it's nice to be acknowledged! I would just say something like 'I know it makes more sense for me to do the childcare in this situation, but it would be nice to feel like you appreciate it a bit' but make it clear you're not having a go.

how does that sound?

That would, of course be the sensible thing to do.

Except I am premenstrual and so got cross at him as he was leaving.

I know that's no excuse.

Snap, Weegiemum - I too am a complete nightmare today due to rubbish hormones. I started crying when DS wouldn't put his socks on, and then shouted at DH for not getting up early enough when he was the one who wanted to be out of the house early.

And I'm meant to be doing a job application, but instead, guess what, I'm on MN!

Send him a nice text and make it up, and then explain why you were cross when he comes home. He sounds like a good DH.

why is she off school with headlice ?

Because I found live ones jumping about 5 mins before the school bus was due and can't send her to school until she has been treated. We hate geting it so much I'm not spreading it round the school any more.

If I had noticed last night then she woudl have had the stuff on her hair last night and been off to school this morning!

I try to alternate days off with dh if the children are ill (rarely thank goodness) but there are raised eyebrows at his work that he does, not that he's bothered. But I think we are unusual and nearly always it's mum or grandparents who step into the breech.

Have emailed him (he lost his phone last week!) to say sorry for shouting....

He's OK really!