Avoidance attachment style?

[Petra42]

Partner recently has broken things off/refuses to communicate and it's dawned on me that he's got this attachment style. Even to the point of him saying he had to protect himself.

Could anyone share experiences of how they got over a breakup? I actually can't believe i didn't see this before. And why did I waste almost 2 years of my life.

Avoidance attachment style usually means that the person simply doesn’t have feelings for someone. If they cared, they wouldn’t be avoiding you. They aren’t frightened of intimacy or afraid of being vulnerable, they simply don’t feel the same way

No one needs a reason for breaking this off. Attachment style or not.
Going through a breakup is tough, it is definitely one of those life changing events. You day you wasted 2 years on him, be happy it was only 2 years. Take from the relationship what you can and learn from the rest.
Leave him be and nurture yourself, get things done you put on hold, book that holiday and rewrite your future.

Could anyone share experiences of how they got over a breakup?

Think about what you want your life to look like. What do you want to do for fun? To eat? How do you want to live? What about work? What about travel?

Then make a list of things you can do to make it happen. And start doing it.

Thank you both. I'm feeling better each day. My ex has done this before and I've struggled to understand how we can be so in love then nothing. However I've made peace with the fact that whilst lots of love is there are very different and not suited in the real world.

This is completely incorrect and not what avoidant means. It doesn't mean avoiding someone 😆

@Petra42

i’m am going through something similar to you and I also struggle with the declarations of love one minute then being cut dead the next.

i think some people just use silence as a survival strategy. Nothing to see here let’s move on type thing.

Hurts like hell though for those on the receiving end.

@CatrinVennastin yes, even a simple 'yes I loved you but better we aren't together' would work. Yet for me, after 2 years, meeting the children, families , friends, its just silence. My ex is also autistic so added a more complex level. My lesson learnt has been to look at whether our comms styles matched and whether I ignored red flags about this. My ex did this before, shut down when he didn't want to chat about something, then I had to come running to smooth it over. I should have known then.

How are you managing?