Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mobile phone issue

28 replies

ClimbCroaghPatrick · 06/05/2025 04:03

I've been seeing someone for 4 months. All going well, getting along good, stayed at each others' places and all fine. No major red flags, only what I kind of perceived as a minor one, maybe not even.... after two months of dating, we slept together. We're not exactly physically compatible but decided to give it time... that's not the red flag though...... his Whatsapp pings almost every night around 11, then 11.30, then midnight.... then around 1 am. Every night without fail someone is messaging him really late. He's dead to the world and doesn't hear it.

I asked him about it and he was evasive, brushed off my concerns if you like. I decided to let it go and mind my business but to keep an eye on things. Last weekend we went on a short break and rented an Air BnB. On the last morning, I left him asleep upstairs and went down to make tea. When I brought it up, he was awake and looking at his phone, but when I walked in his face looked shocked and he turned the phone face down and pushed it under the covers. I said nothing, nipped back downstairs to get something and when I went back into the bedroom he was back on the phone. Not a problem but this time he looked so guilty and quickly pushed it back under the covers again. He seemed incredibly flustered.

I didn't bring it up until later on that day when I got back home as I was tired and upset. I texted him and asked him why he felt the need to push the phone under the duvet twice when I walked in, that it's odd behaviour and could he please explain it to reassure me in some way, as it was bringing up my older concerns about the late night messages... which by the way are STILL happening.

I have never snooped. I was tempted to but never did. A mature adult should, in theory, explain the odd behaviour and attempt to provide reassurance.
Instead, he has read my messages and completely ignored the question.

I know it's not looking good but I'd like to hear what people have to say about it.

OP posts:
ClimbCroaghPatrick · 25/05/2025 15:07

An update....

I received a text from him about a week or so after it all ended saying it was very nice to know me.

Mmmmm... well I have to admit I've struggled a fair bit since. Been very up and down. Missing the fun and the laughs and struggling to get my head around why he couldn't just communicate openly with me. I responded by explaining... again.... that I felt he was being secretive and that he made no attempt to validate my concerns, not to reassure me. Nothing back, but I didn't expect it, however I think a fully grown adult with a shred of empathy would at the very least communicate something.

Ultimately there were issues, but I guess that doesn't stop me feeling sad about it. I've seem him around a few times but deliberately avoided him and felt upset when I saw him.

I know I have to just let it go. I've had a hard time personally and career wise over the past few years and I know I'm probably vulnerable and that's why it's feeling so hard right now.

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 26/05/2025 09:36

ClimbCroaghPatrick · 25/05/2025 15:07

An update....

I received a text from him about a week or so after it all ended saying it was very nice to know me.

Mmmmm... well I have to admit I've struggled a fair bit since. Been very up and down. Missing the fun and the laughs and struggling to get my head around why he couldn't just communicate openly with me. I responded by explaining... again.... that I felt he was being secretive and that he made no attempt to validate my concerns, not to reassure me. Nothing back, but I didn't expect it, however I think a fully grown adult with a shred of empathy would at the very least communicate something.

Ultimately there were issues, but I guess that doesn't stop me feeling sad about it. I've seem him around a few times but deliberately avoided him and felt upset when I saw him.

I know I have to just let it go. I've had a hard time personally and career wise over the past few years and I know I'm probably vulnerable and that's why it's feeling so hard right now.

He will probably send another message in a few weeks. Then again. All this is to erase your boundaries. Throw crumbs. Do not reply to him again. Blocking him would be best

aquashiv · 26/05/2025 14:28

Block him. He's a player. You deserve better

New posts on this thread. Refresh page