Is my husbands behaviour normal?

[Jue88]

My husband used to be so nice then we had our son and he just changed. He’s really strict with our 4 year old & very regimented. Our son is very much a mummy’s boy and you have to prise him away from me which my husband hates. I always cuddle my son after a bath in a towel to get him dry & just this morning he made a comment like “have you thought if you weren’t so soft with him and mothering him all time he’d toughen up and want to be away from you”
It’s like he’s no patience, he constantly asks me what he’s eating, if I’ve given him medicine (when poorly) like I’m not capable of doing it. he didn’t want breakfast before school the other morning so I said he could have some Ella’s kitchen puff pop things in the car which he then told me of for and proceeded to tell me how he knows I’m not bothered about what I give our son to eat but I shouldn’t be giving him crisps for breakfast, in a really belittling tone. He took our ds to the park earlier and told me that once our son is away from me he actually enjoys himself rather than being stuck in the house with me all day doing nothing. He expects me to take our son out and to places everyday.
is this normal what he’s doing??

I don't think allowing a 4 yo not to have a proper breakfast before school is great, and it is good for kids to get out and about, even a little walk and some fresh air. But you can't really cuddle your child too much, my dd2 was a real mummy's girl, and although I'm still very much no 1, she's perfectly capable of leaving me now!

C’mon.
You know it isn’t.
Tell him to fuck off with the telling you how to raise your own child.
Are you scared of him?

No this isn’t normal at all and definitely not fair , also think your son will see this behaviour and think it’s normal which it isn’t , hope your ok he sounds like a bit of a bully

I mean, is he stuck in the house all day with you? If he is, then you need to change that.

Crisps, even those puffs, I'm in agreement with your husband here. You should be ensuring he has a solid breakfast, there must be options other than crisps in the car.

Nothing wrong with regimented as long as it's not mean. I raise with my kids with a routine which we rarely broke from, but you also can never hug a kid too much!!

Sounds like you both might need to re-evaluate your parenting styles.

I think you actually only realise your parenting style when you have kids. DH was positively victorian until DD was before, now he’s some sort of crunchy mum. I’m a lot stricter than I thought I would be. It can lead to a lot of conflict because you may think something is fine and the other parent thinks it’s irresponsible or indulgent. I wouldn’t let mine eat crisps for breakfast (DH probably has) and she needed a good run around out of the house everyday (we agreed on this).

You really do need to sot down and have a chat about this.

Pregnancy and birth are flashpoints for abusers to show their true colours.

Were his parents similarly this regimented with him?. Make no mistake here, your h will harm your son emotionally if he carries on like this towards his child. I guess he is not one for listening when you talk to him.

Becoming a parent opens the doors to our own childhood and how we were parented. If we are unaware of the harm our parents inflicted on us, we are very likely to pass it on to our own children. It seems that is what your husband is doing. I agree with pp: he will harm your son.

He’s jealous of his own son.

he will get tougher because you’ll get (what he sees as) more soft (the harsher he gets) and he’ll have to make the boy “man up”.

terrifying that kind of thing still happens.

time to consider your options before your child ends up messed up.