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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He wants a vehicle we can't afford.

4 replies

lovecava12 · 05/05/2025 18:15

My partner and I are in our 30s (no children). We have been together about 4 years and live together/engaged. Throughout our relationship he has had his fair share of struggles with addiction/mental-health. Up until recently he was without employment for about 8 months. He was terminated from a decent paying role due to performance issues and he didn't have a lot of motivation to find employment sooner. I'm now the breadwinner and was carrying us on my single income throughout those 8 months. I was so stressed and we had to cancel our wedding. Anyway, I paid off my older vehicle years ago and it broke down a few months ago. My partner was letting me take his vehicle to work while he was home not doing much of job-search/chores etc. His vehicle is less than 5 years old and in perfect condition. Now we need two vehicles bc we will be going to opposite sides of town during the same hours. Since my vehicle is older and out of service, I wanted to trade it in and get something economical. He now also wants to trade in his vehicle (he wants a vehicle priced at $40K) which means we would have two car payments plus insurance/maintenance. I'm not supportive of this. He had close to 9 months off and has now taken a big pay-cut. I'm not comfortable having two car payments considering we live in a super expensive city (also his idea that took me so much convincing. we moved prior to him being termed from his last role). He's upset that I'm not supportive of him getting a new vehicle and says we can afford it (not without crazy sacrifice IMO). Can someone provide some advice? I don't know if I'm being too bossy or unreasonable here. thank you in advance truly.

OP posts:
insomniaclife · 05/05/2025 18:22

You are being entirely reasonable. When his earnings allow him to pay the same amount of living expenses as you, and he can afford that car, crack on. Until then he’s living like a child expecting mummy to fund what he wants when he wants it

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/05/2025 18:22

What addiction issues are we talking about?.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

I’d stop carrying and or otherwise enabling him and be on your own.

AmIAloneInThinking · 05/05/2025 18:24

You trade in your car and get the car you want. If HE wants a spenny car then HE needs to find spenny car money…..Presumably he’ll need to find different employment to do that. Do not combine or commit to joint finances until you’re legally married. Ever.

Lilysunflower · 05/05/2025 18:32

Please don't give in its better to deal with the tantrum now than the financial consequences later. I gave in to my partner and now the payments take all his spare wage and I'm left picking up all the other finances. We can't afford any luxury or holidays despite both working full time and this has caused resentment on both parts as he has expensive tastes and expects me to pay which I have pointed out if he had bought a cheaper car he could have contributed more.

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