To ask or not?

[pixiepip]

Posting for a friend- male.

Has been dating a women ( no kids) for about 4 months. She lives 5 hrs drive away. he has done all the travelling though they have met half way once, and had a weekend away together which meant they met at airport midway.

She seems cooler than he is, and when he raised topic of "how are we getting on" in early stages of relationship her reply was that meeting once a fortnight suited her, as she could then see friends etc at other weekend.

he could see it going on like this forever, and in his mid 40s doesn't want to waste any time if she isn't serious or keen.

If you were her, would you expect a guy to ask how you felt after 4 months- or would you play the long game and see how it goes?

It is not as if they live round the corner- cos of the distance, he has to do a 10 hr round trip- and she has done none yet. He can re-arrange work to take along weekend whereas she can't, but she still doesn't seem that keen.

what should he do?

Move on. Find someone friendly.

well they should split the travelling IMO

if she isn't keen, then perhaps he feels more strongly than her

anyway after 4 months, i don't think anyone needs to declare their undying love but there should be a fair amount of lust and wanting and making an effort to be together?

If you were this woman and had a lack of confidence over motorway driving, would you make the effort to see a man you cared for? Would you try to re-arrange work to have a half day to add to your weekend?

Also- if someone sent you flowers, as an extra presnet- what would you do? Not saying what SHE did, but what would you do or not do?

yes - i would try

perhaps get a train

if someone sent me flowers i would be thrilled and say thank you nicely!

myself and DH had a long distance relationship when we first met - it can be hard but not impossible

i would understand if i couldn;t have every Friday/monday off tho' - work is work

but in 4 months i would have thought she could have arranged something?

I would have wanted to know where I stand after four months, so would have talked about it by now, but she could by very insecure and nervous and not want to talk about it with him incase she rocks the boat, maybe she thinks he's not that keep?

Or maybe she's just keeping her distance in which case she doesn't want to get too attached or comitted. I think I would have split the travelling more fairly by now

If I got flowers I'd thank the person.

If I was sent flowers I would call to thank him
What is coming across here is that your friend is committed to making an effort towards the relationship.

She sounds like she is taking him for granted & doesn't appreciate the effort he is making to be honest- he sounds like a sweetie- hell give him my number

If it were me and I liked him, I'd be swapping shifts to elongate my weekend. I would also get the blinking train if I had to. It's only fair.

I've got to be forthright and say so, she sounds like she's taking it all very much for granted right at the beginning of the relationship. At this stage, people are usually bending over backwards to accomodate each other and show how kind/ caring/ thoughtful they are. I find it odd that she is so cool and can only thnk she's not that interested.

Sorry. But he sounds a nice man who deserves to be treated as such - not frosted out.

And everybody knows you say thank you for a present. She sounds like a cow, actually.

I say that because it reminds me of the sort of behaviour my foreign friend indulges in. She has serious issues with men and treats them like crap. Of course they all leave their wives for her, and she promptly chucks them.

If your male friend wants somebody to care and show they care, this woman doesn't seem to be doing it for him. She may have had a very hard life etc, but the point is, is she making him happy? That's the bottom line. If not, there are so many other women who would be willing to try.

Thanks all- I'll come clean- this is my brother.

She texted him for the flowers- I think that's too casual.
She COULD get a train but it's a 2 hr drive to station- lives very rural location.

He is committed to making it work- but she seems more casual.

Ages back, She suggested she might travel to see him this coming weekend, but so far has not mentioned it again. Leaving it a bit late? he doesn't want to ask and doesn't want to travel again until she does, as he feels he is making all the effort and it's too easy for her.

I think his problem is that he doesn't want to lose her, but at the same time he doesn't want to be taken for granted, and if she's not that keen, he'd move on as he doesn't want a relationship at a distance that isn't going to go anywhere ( scuse pun.)

Would you know after 4 months whether you wanted more from a guy?

I had this conversation with DH after about 3 months when we were together, wanted to know where we were going as didn't want to waste time on a casual, long distance relationship. IMHO he needs to be honest, ask where he stands so he has the opportunity to find the relationship that boh him and a partner wants, just seems a bot one sided to me.

Since I wrote this, he has told me he asked- and they have split- she said there was not enough there.

Thanks for the answers- looks like he- and MN were right!