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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can I make my husband leave housing association property

33 replies

Tasha47 · 05/05/2025 16:28

Hi

I am completely new to this site, in fact I am new to social media all together, but I am desperate to find someone who has dealt with my situation and get advice on how to deal with it.

I have been separated from my husband now for 15 month, but we still live in the same property which is housing association and the tenancy is in my name only.

I have asked my husband to leave many times, but he just won't go, he has checked his rights and although his name is not on the tenancy he still has home rights and I am unable to make him leave, this is true, I have enquired about it myself. He has been violent in the past, until I finally called the police one day, That was several years ago and there has been no physical violence since, however he just became more verbally abusive when we would argue, I think this is my husband final control over me, if I don't want to be with him, that's fine, but there is no way he is going to allow me to get on peacefully with my life, this is making me so miserable.

I have thought of how I can get away, I wanted to buy a shared ownership property and leaving him to it, that way, he would either have to leave either way, or he could fight in court to get the housing association to transfer the tenancy into his name but a solicitor has advised that I don't do that whilst we are still married as he may have a claim to the asset, so I have had to let the property I was going to buy go and a divorce can take up to 7 months, plus I wanted to complete the divorce after we went our separate ways as you can imagine the atmosphere living in the same home whilst going through divorce, but I am not sure how much more I can take living in the same house.

The only option I can see at the moment, is to just give up my HA property and go and rent privately, this makes me so angry that he is going to force me to give up a property that I have had since I was 18, I am now 47, but I don't see any other options, I can't go on living like this.

This is my last hope, that someone can suggest another option for me, any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 05/05/2025 16:40

Speak to the police about the verbal abuse.

Speak to a Housing Officer at the HA about what you cant do rather than what you can't.

This won't be the first time they've dealt with this situation.

Yes, he does have some legal rights but you are the named tenant and he is abusive.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 05/05/2025 16:44

Do not give up your property. Contact your housing officer and explain about the domestic abuse. They may also have a domestic abuse team but your HO is the best place to start.

Start collecting evidence and a diary of his behaviour. You can download an app to collect evidence on.
https://www.hestia.org/brightsky

NimbleTiger · 05/05/2025 16:46

Contact the HA involved there is a path out you need to keep taking the lead quietly. There is help out there. Hugs

Goodgrashus · 05/05/2025 16:48

Your housing officer will support you on this one. Make the call first thing tomorrow

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 05/05/2025 16:51

As you know, he’s got spousal rights to be in the property. It’s a long shot but some kind of non-molestation order would mean he has to F off.

The bar to obtain one of these is quite high, so agree with PPs to speak with housing officer. This won’t be the first time they’ve seen this

CopperWhite · 05/05/2025 16:51

Does he have anywhere to go if he leaves?

GreyCarpet · 05/05/2025 16:52

GreyCarpet · 05/05/2025 16:40

Speak to the police about the verbal abuse.

Speak to a Housing Officer at the HA about what you cant do rather than what you can't.

This won't be the first time they've dealt with this situation.

Yes, he does have some legal rights but you are the named tenant and he is abusive.

Obviously, that should be speak to them about what you can do.

I'd proof read it too... 🙄

Ilovethewild · 05/05/2025 16:56

Speak to the ha, they may have a domestic abuse team or manager. You will have a housing officer of some type. They will be used to dealing with this.

the tenancy is solely yours, while married, he may have succession rights if you died, but as he is not on the tenancy he doesn’t have the same tenancy rights as you. Is he listed as part of your household? Do annual rent increases or gas servicing letters have his name and yours?

the ha can help you leave for another property, you really need to divorce to be separated from him so get that started as well.

speak to womens aid about the abuse and police (to be rehoused by ha you would usually have to have reported abuse)

Original poster
Tasha47 · 05/05/2025 16:56

I record most of our arguments, but he hasn't been verbally abusive in a while, it's as if he knows I might be recording him, I have no evidence, other than the time I called the police, but that was about 4 years ago now and I didn't press charges. Keeping a diary of events is a good idea, I will definitely start that.
I have already contacted my HA but they said there isn't anything they can do and
they can't offer me another property or any other assistance.

To top all this off, my husband hasn't even been giving me his half of the rent and bills for the past 3 months, he says he will give it to me, but he says that every month, I feel completely trapped

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 05/05/2025 16:58

Tasha47 · 05/05/2025 16:56

I record most of our arguments, but he hasn't been verbally abusive in a while, it's as if he knows I might be recording him, I have no evidence, other than the time I called the police, but that was about 4 years ago now and I didn't press charges. Keeping a diary of events is a good idea, I will definitely start that.
I have already contacted my HA but they said there isn't anything they can do and
they can't offer me another property or any other assistance.

To top all this off, my husband hasn't even been giving me his half of the rent and bills for the past 3 months, he says he will give it to me, but he says that every month, I feel completely trapped

Contact Shelter.

Ilovethewild · 05/05/2025 17:00

Go back to the ha, ask to speak to someone about domestic abuse,
it includes more than physical violence.

you will need to keep on with them, if you don’t reach out to domestic abuse services it’s hard for others to get the evidence required to take action. A couple not getting on, wanting to split is not the same as someone experiencing domestic abuse and would be treated differently the ha.
there may be information on their website.

so sorry you are going through this.

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 05/05/2025 17:00

Ilovethewild · 05/05/2025 16:56

Speak to the ha, they may have a domestic abuse team or manager. You will have a housing officer of some type. They will be used to dealing with this.

the tenancy is solely yours, while married, he may have succession rights if you died, but as he is not on the tenancy he doesn’t have the same tenancy rights as you. Is he listed as part of your household? Do annual rent increases or gas servicing letters have his name and yours?

the ha can help you leave for another property, you really need to divorce to be separated from him so get that started as well.

speak to womens aid about the abuse and police (to be rehoused by ha you would usually have to have reported abuse)

I’m not too sure about this. My now EXH wasn’t on the tenancy (privately rented but don’t think that makes a difference) and he had “parasitic rights” according to my divorce lawyer. I had to end the tenancy and move out to shake him

Original poster
Tasha47 · 05/05/2025 17:04

I will give my HA a call and try again, I'll also try women's aid, but as I said, I don't really have any evidence.l, but hopefully they may have some other advice.

Thank you all so much for the quick responses x

OP posts:
Hurryupretirement · 05/05/2025 17:10

if he is verbally abusive towsrds yku then install a few covert cameras- in kitchen/ lounge etc. not expensive off amazon. Then take evidence to police once you have it.

Original poster
Tasha47 · 05/05/2025 17:33

No he doesn't have anywhere to go if he leaves, he has no family. He has been trying to start his own business for the past few years, following a voluntary redundancy where he used the money to by a property in Liverpool that he rented out, he has now sold the property last year, he made a profit of around 60K, but says he doesn't have disposable cash to hand because he has reinvested all that money in his business, I don't believe this obviously, he probably thinks I will want some of the money, but really want nothing from him, other than for him to get out of my life

OP posts:
Original poster
Tasha47 · 05/05/2025 17:36

No he doesn't have anywhere to go if he leaves, he has no family. He has been trying to start his own business for the past few years, following a voluntary redundancy where he used the money to by a property in Liverpool that he rented out, he has now sold the property last year, he made a profit of around 60K, but says he doesn't have disposable cash to hand because he has reinvested all that money in his business, I don't believe this obviously, he probably thinks I will want some of the money, but really want nothing from him, other than for him to get out of my life

OP posts:
viques · 05/05/2025 17:42

If you can afford to buy a property you should let the HA tenancy go , you have had it for 20 + years so that is the right decision. You need to start divorce proceedings asap. I would also ask the HA for advice on getting rid of an abuser, it is likely to be a situation they have met before.

Nopenousername · 05/05/2025 17:43

I don’t understand these comments about speaking to a housing officer. The HA’s role is to adequately house people that have been nominated by the LA. It is not their job to get involved in the domestics or give out legal advice even if the husband is not on the tenancy agreement. OP you need to seek legal advice from CAB or your local law centre

RandomMess · 05/05/2025 17:49

Not paying his share could be financial abuse.

Youagain2025 · 05/05/2025 17:51

Nopenousername · 05/05/2025 17:43

I don’t understand these comments about speaking to a housing officer. The HA’s role is to adequately house people that have been nominated by the LA. It is not their job to get involved in the domestics or give out legal advice even if the husband is not on the tenancy agreement. OP you need to seek legal advice from CAB or your local law centre

They do get involved with DV situations. They become involved regarding the housing side of things . Such as if a tenant needs to leave for their safety they can arrange for a transfer.

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 05/05/2025 17:53

RandomMess · 05/05/2025 17:49

Not paying his share could be financial abuse.

It’s a hiding on to nothing as shit as that is

My EXH refused to pay anything. It’s a fight that’s too much pain for little gain, legally.

Original poster
Tasha47 · 05/05/2025 17:54

I would give up the property to buy a shared ownership, but have been advised to hold off for now until we are divorced, giving it up to rent privately is what I am trying to avoid as this would eat into any savings I have and leave me being unable to afford a share to buy, by the time we are divorced. It was CAB and a solicitor through my union at work that advised me to hold off on buying a property until my divorce is final.
I think I am just going to have to start divorce proceedings, this will make life even more unpleasant though

OP posts:
HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 05/05/2025 17:57

I agree with your CAB solicitor. No sense in him having a claim to a property you’ve bought.

On one hand it’s a bugger to initiate proceedings, on the other hand, might as well do it all in one go like a plaster

Original poster
Tasha47 · 05/05/2025 17:58

I'm reluctant to go down the abused partner route, he has been physically abusive in the past and can be very verbally abusive when we argue, but not generally...but we also have adult children, it's very difficult as I don't want to upset them in the process

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 05/05/2025 18:09

Tasha47 · 05/05/2025 17:58

I'm reluctant to go down the abused partner route, he has been physically abusive in the past and can be very verbally abusive when we argue, but not generally...but we also have adult children, it's very difficult as I don't want to upset them in the process

Get as much information as you can and take it from there. Your problem is that he may escalate once he knows you're serious. I would get advice from a domestic abuse organisation and you can also contact Rights of Women for legal advice. Shelter can also offer advice.