How did you find the strength to walk away? 😔

[Jadelr]

Hi,

it’s a long story but I’ll try keep it short. My relationship has slowly been falling apart since not long after my son was born (he's now 7 months old). In the past month or so things have reached boiling point, he constantly expects me to do everything for him and I mean everything.

He doesn’t take care of our son I do everything for him. Whilst I also do everything in the house etc, I’ve brought it up to him that it’s not fair how he expects me to do everything for him all the time and I’ve told him he needs to help with his son more but it just falls on deaf ears. He speaks to be like absolute sh*t to put it bluntly, if I refuse to do something for him he kicks off and starts a massive argument. He also spends his free time drinking either during the week after work or all weekend. Spends all his wages on alcohol and whatever else whilst I’m left to try and pay both of our bills on what little money I have.

I’ve reached my whits end but can’t seem to find the strength to leave. Ofcourse I do still have love for him, but no matter what I do or say he doesn’t seem to care enough to change. I don’t want to break our family up, but I’m not in a good place mentally and I know it’s because of our relationship.

I know logically the best thing to do is go our separate ways but I’m scared and what if I regret my decision. Has anyone ever been in this situation before, any advice is much appreciated. I just want what’s best for my son and me 😔

If you down tools and just stop running around after him what would he do apart from argue?

Not talk to me after arguing and give me silent treatment then blame me that I’m the reason our relationship is falling apart. Then after a while he would probably just go out drinking which is what he usually does after an argument

I'm trying to work out if he'll get violent. Has he ever threatened you or thrown things?

Think what your life will be like in 5 years @Jadelr

If you stay with him this will just get worse. He clearly has no respect for you. You son will grow up in a toxic environment.

Just leave him now. It’ll be much less traumatic for your son that a separation later and witnessing a dysfunctional parental relationship.

I’ve raised my children alone since they were both babies. It’s hard work but we have a wonderful life, infinitely better than what you have described.

You do not “love” him. He is abusive to you. In time, once you’re free of him, you will see this.

What is your housing situation op?

You can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline which is available 24/7, you can also contact Refuge via webchat they're open till 10pm Mon-Fri and until 6 at the weekend.

If you think he'll get violent, don't argue with him. Carry on as usual and work out how to leave.

Your situation is complex, if sadly usual, and I'm tired. So I'm just going to answer your title question, if that's okay?

First marriage was quite long but I didn't need much strength - he told me he was in love with a mutual 'friend', I was pregnant and he genuinely seemed to think the three of us could live together 🙄 By the time he was back to talk about reconciliation, I was beyond over him.

Second one took a different kind of strength. The marriage had become one long argument in which I wailed "How can we make this work better?" and he yelled "Get off my case, why can't you just be happy?" (I'm paraphrasing!) Without fully realising what I was doing, I gradually pushed him towards a melodramatic walkout with demand for divorce. I knew he wouldn't tolerate being divorced but was surprised when no petition arrived from him. So I filed - and, as expected, he responded by filing against me. I agreed.

I'm sorry you're going through this; it's so miserable. I'd certainly advise respecting your own instincts, inner self, whatever you call it.

He contributes nothing but stress. He is another child for you to care for. You and your actual child would be better off without him.
There are organisations out there that can support you.
If you can't find the strength to leave for yourself you need to find it for your child.

Never once got violent towards me, he’s thrown things in an argument but not at me

I know, now I’ve got my son I don’t want this life for him it’s not fair on him. I suppose I just need to get it over and done with 😔

Nah. He's aggressive OP and throwing things is used as intimidation. It also means he's escalating. Please contact a domestic abuse organisation for a chat.

I’ve been in abusive relationships before and now I find myself stuff in a mentally abusive relationship now, I just need to take that step and leave

We are currently renting our house at the moment

Thankyou for the advice I appreciate it 🫶🏻

Whose name is it in? Do you have anyone you could go and stay with?

You go away because you want the best thing for your child / and that isn’t raising him in a defunct relationship where one person doesn’t pull their weight

most , almost all, women seem to find that the leaving was the best thing they ever did. It takes guts , it can be sad, but you lose a lot of stress , you become lighter and happier

That’s what’s running through my mind I need to do what’s best for him because he doesn’t deserve to have parents like this. I’m stressed 24/7 because as you say it is exactly like having another child, I feel like a single parent because I do everything. Thankyou for your comment

No you don’t feel like a single parent- you may find it’s easier as a single parent

He’s a gaslighting prick and won’t change. Leave him before he does any more emotional damage to you and your child.