Flirty messages to another woman

[peanutbutterjelly6]

Hi I need someone to talk to. My bf (M 36) of three years has been sending flirty messages to another woman. We live together we have 2 sons from previous relationship and now have DD together who is 10 months. Before I get hate for checking his messages something felt off all weekend and I followed my gut and checked his snap.

He briefly mentioned her to me as we went on family holiday to Turkey and he said one of his friends messaged him talking bout how she has been there and places to visit. I thought nothing of it.

The messages were normal just general chit chat but yesterday he was working a night shift and asked for a picture she sent one of her nothing sexual, he commented saying she had a 'beautiful smile' and that it's nice to see her pictures from time to time as he hasn't seen her in person 'yet'.
He then said she looked tired and continued the conversation saying how would she be if she had a man (she's currently single i believe) and that after 2 mins of having sex she would be knocked out. Also that it won't take much to satisfy her...
No messages after that

I am absolutely devastated.. other than this he is a good man looks after us works hard hardly goes out etc... he had a bad experience with the mother of his first child and said if he had another he would have to be 💯 sure which we then had a baby.. I am homely woman I cook clean everything don't give him stress etc I am heartbroken why would he do this to me and for us to have another child if he wanted to go off and flirt with other women

When we first got together we set boundaries I did say if I saw anything like a flirty message he would be gone as the trust will be broken.

I haven't confronted him yet as I'm waiting for more evidence..

Please be kind to me I'm hurting....

I'm sorry for your troubles OP. Not being able to trust you partner is horrible.

I've been cheated on once that I know of (his neighbour told me that a woman was staying over when I wasn't there). He denied it and to my shame I chose to ignore it and try and carry on. Trust was broken though and I could never relax with him again. We broke up eventually.

Another ex kept in touch after we broke up. He knew I was in a relationship. Every 3-6 months I'd get a text or email asking how i was and what was happening. Eventually after my relationship ended I contacted him and we met up. I was shocked to find out the whole time he'd been contacting me that he'd been in a two year relationship and hadn't mentioned it at all. I had assumed cos he kept contacting me that he was single and hoping to reconcile. We went on two dates and I told him i didn't want to see him again (various reasons).
After that he contacted me twice over the next few years (email and facebook) and I ignored him. I was single but ignored him. His flat then went up for sale and based on the pictures he was now living with a woman. Probably the previous ex. He was a policeman as well. Clearly being in a relationship with one woman was no reason to stop sniffing round previous exes. It was a short relationship we had (less than 6 months, no kids) so no reason to keep in touch really.

Last lovely little story is a man I dated from 17 to 22 who I emailed when I was in my thirties. I didn't know what was happening with him and I was divorced. Anyway it turned out he was married with a kid. He quickly turned the conversation to sexual reminiscing about things we had done. I just stopped replying but felt repulsed at this guy I thought was decent doing this to his wife.

In short OP you are not alone. There seems to be loads of them at it. It's bloody depressing. I haven't been in a relationship for over 10 years due to being a carer to elderly parents and just taking a break from relationships.

Quite honestly I don't know how I will ever trust men again.

Not to mention the amount of married men that you hear being on dating sites etc.

Take your time and weigh it all up. Wait a few weeks or months till you know what the right thing is to do. You can't control what he's done only your own reaction to it. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I do sometimes long for the days before the internet and smart phones when men had way less opportunity to physically/emotionally cheat.

Oh you know what to think. There is only one reason he has done this OP. I’m sorry but it’s obvious

Stop it. All men do not flirt. My father didn’t. Neither does my dh. One of my adult son’s was a bit of a flirt until he met his partner the. It transformed him. the other would not dream of it.

Stick to your original guns or prepare for heartbreak

Oh op, he’s going to do this again except he’s going to hide it better. I’m sorry but you need to value yourself more. You deserve loyalty.