After the death of our son, I think my partner and I should split up

[Artmum2025]

My partner and I lost our son nearly 7 years ago at 23hrs old, after a birth in hospital where everything that could go wrong went wrong.

Since then we have had another dearly loved son who is now 5 and a joy to our life. But we have also been waiting for our first sons inquest to finally happen. It's the worst feeling in the world to know this is still ongoing after all this time, it was delayed initially due to covid but since then it has been just tied up in a beaurocratic nightmare. It has taken a lot of strength to endure this and although we have sought support from others to help pursue it. Even that takes a lot of strength. We haven't fully been able to even deal with our own grief whilst this has gone on either. I have had counselling previously since this happened but it didn't really help because we had no date for inquest. I have recently started counselling again which is starting to help this is because Following another intervention instigated by ourselves to the court by our MP he has forced them effectively to formalise a date to take place within the next few weeks.
But my partner and I are probably at our worst right now. We had a nice day out on Saturday but was eating out when a small disagreement turned into a huge argument and he said he hated me and all sorts of things, said we have drifted apart over the last 5 years and said how upset he is with himself for staying with me so long. It's just so sad I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can cope with a break up with him on top of the inquest finally taking place but likewise I can't cope with him saying these things to me. I just feel so down. Our lives have changed a lot over rhe last 7 years, i struggled to return to my role as a senior manager and in the end gave it up, I returned to university to complete my degree and now work in roles related to that but it's part time work to fit around childcare for our son. My partner also lost his role as a manager due to all this and has eventually got back into a similar level role but only in a temp position at the moment. So we have gone from being able to do whatever we want whenever we want to having this added pressure around money that we didn't have before. Over the last few months we have been having quality time together and enjoying it alot doing things we used to do before we had children but it's monthly rather then weekly as it would have been before. I just don't know what to do, it's I just feel so sad.

Thank you everyone for all your words of support and advice about our situation it helps to hear from people that can look at it objectively. We feel so close to it all and trapped in this inquest bubble right now. We have spoken and have decided to try and be kinder to each other and my partner has actually shared some of what he's still angry about and what he's carrying round with him. I felt that was a breakthrough as he rarely talks about it all. He's acknowledged he does need counselling. So really genuinely thank you for all your advice about how to approach the situation between us. I think being kind to each other right now is key and we still have hope we can turn our situation around

Sorry @gamerchick you had to experience the inquest process too, it's heartbreaking for whatever length of time it goes on x

Further, at the inquest, no one else there is going to give you any sympathy for your loss. Any objections you have, any questions you have are going to be silently treated as simply the 'over emotional' bitterness of a grieving mother who is lashing out, and therefore seen as invalid

I didn't find this the case at all. It's quite therapeutic to be able to ask any questions you want and they have to answer it. Coroner's are extremely good at their jobs. They expect emotion from grieving parents and nobody holds it against you, even if you do get told to stop by the coroner for going on tangents as I did. I didn't feel invalidated at all. The legal team will try every which way to get the NHS off but it my case, they weren't let off. I could sue their arses if I had a mind to.

But this wait the OP is going through is unacceptable. I'd be inclined to think it's putting off the inevitable because they know they're going to get put through the ringer.

I will say OP, contact the charity in your area who specialise in inquests if you haven't already. The CA place gave me the details for the one who covers my area.