Help me, need a final push!

[Nearlythere09]

I've finally told my partner I'm leaving them. He has tried saying everything to get me to stay. People say just walk away but why is it so hard?

I feel like I have such low self esteem and am generally a lonely person so attach myself to anyone who can say something nice now and then or give me some attention. I fear being alone as I don't have a supportive network. I also feel like a failure for not having a good marriage when everyone I know is in a happy couple. It genuinely makes me so sad and sad for my kids and I don't want to end up bitter about ny life. I fear the poverty that I will face as a single mum. I genuinely don't think I will find anyone else (and know I will not introduce another man into my kids life anyway) and I do feel upset about this. The weird thing is I was a happy single person for years before I met him. I've lost who I am.

He is very clever with his words. However, his behaviour can be awful.

Directs verbal abuse at me whenever he wants.
Very lazy and resents having to do anything, including having a job.
Critical of me and doubts my capabilities a lot.
Can be tight financially
Uses threats such as telling other people negative things about me
Often moody and unhappy
Lies and then backtracks on it
Does nothing for our child and has to be asked to do the basics
Has no hobbies but does not spend time with me.
He has misogynistic views
His behaviour has frightened me at times
He does not make me happy but I felt the safety of being married.

I read over what I have written and I sound like a loser for holding on. I have lost all respect for myself.

“It is better to be alone, than to be in bad company.”

You can do better than this OP. Start researching divorce. Wikivorce has lots of information.

To me, it seems the negatives far outweigh the positive aspects here.

Any major life change is going to be difficult but do you want to remain like this or change it?

Reading your post back to yourself, if this was your Sister or Daughter, what would you say?

There are good men out there!

You're not a loser Op, you've stayed and told yourself he's not that bad like many women do but now enough is enough. He'll say everything to get you to stay but it's only words, I doubt he'd change. Good luck @Nearlythere09

Some of that sounds like my ex. Unfortunately I think our primitive brains are wired to fear going it alone irrespective of common sense. So you have to reason your way past that. Youll be a little more poor, but all the energy youre sinking into being in this relationship will be free to think clearly...its amazing how much you get back once you're out. You could retrain, find better work, start a side business. You might think thats unthinkable right now but you won't once this man is out of your life. Remember how you were happily single before?

Be kind to yourself, years of belittling and abuse change the way we think about who we are and what we're capable of. It's like being programmed to see ourselves as unworthy and useless. It takes a lot of grit and perseverance to get out, but it is so worth it. You can and will do it. Whatever small support network you have, open up to them, and if they can help, let them.

Leaving is hard but not as hard as staying for another 10/20/30 years.

I ended my 17 year relationship (with 2 kids) 8 years ago now and it was the best thing I ever did. I never had the guts to do it for years. So many things held me back, such as money, not being able to cope with the kids on my own, not having support. But once I had done it, I never looked back. Once you break that chain you will flourish.

How are you feeling about the situation @Nearlythere09 ?

Thank you for asking. My emotions are all over the place but the logical side of me tells me that this relationship is truly terrible and I am much better off without him. I am trying to listen to logic and have started to look into the divorce procedure.

He has brought nothing to the table at all except his bad moods and laziness. I miss the happy adventurous person I was and I need the time and space to find her again. I have felt myself change instead into someone fearful and pessimistic with hardly any self worth.

He is a horribly vindictive person and will try to go 50/50 on custody to punish me but it is better than the 100% contact he has now.