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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I stay or go.

4 replies

Saram1979 · 04/05/2025 14:42

This is currently my story I’ve been with my partner 9 years & we have a dd 4, I have a ds 17 from a previous relationship. We have lived together for the past 5 years. Before this my partner was lovely, so nice and him and my ds got on really well. Fast forward to us having dd and everything changed. I suffered PND which he had no sympathy for, my ds was a young teen at the time so didn’t want a baby sister so he ignored her pretty much for the first year. My partner doesn’t understand this and thinks my ds isn’t normal and it’s gone downhill pretty much ever since. My ds has been living with his dad for the past 2 years, my partner says he’s happy there now so I need to get over it and accept it but I know he’s only there because of my partner. He’s even said he wants to be with his mum but he won’t live with my partner & my partner won’t live with him.
we are currently pretty much splitting up but tbh I’m really gutted because I wanted my ds to have that family unit and I don’t want to be on my own again. My partners started getting nasty saying no wonder my ds dad cleared off putting up with me and he’s started turning on my family. I’m really close with my mum and I think there’s a bit of jealousy there. I’m so sad and don’t know what to do

OP posts:
RandomMess · 04/05/2025 14:58

Your partner doesn’t sound supportive or kind so that doesn’t bode well for the future. What if you get ill or your youngest becomes difficult, you know how he would be. Don’t you deserve better?

tiredmumma90 · 04/05/2025 19:54
  1. Get rid of him
  2. Put your son first
  3. Why would you want to be with a man who's not supportive and is jealous of your relationship with other family members?!
  4. You will be much happier once he's left
Wish44 · 04/05/2025 20:14

I am so sad for you op. The rule of thumb seems to be live together for at least 2 year etc to see if they are a nice guy and then marry/ have baby etc.

but some men seem to have the capacity to hide for a lot longer…. Or just change when a baby comes along … I was with my ex for 6 years of loving nice relationship… had a baby… Boom he turned into a monster who is now not even allowed to see his own child…

I am sorry you are going through this… all you can do is try and accept it and look after you and your DC. These men have some kind of wierd internal narrative about mothers….

Gonk123 · 04/05/2025 20:18

You’re not a family unit though are you - you don’t get on. It’s not healthy and why sacrifice happiness for the ‘family unit’

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