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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cancelled weekend and I feel hurt :(

9 replies

mazjon · 03/05/2025 20:14

Bf of 2 years and I had plans this weekend and he cancelled very last minute.
His parent (who doesn't live with him but is currently staying with him for a few weeks is unwell). I've no reason to doubt this, I'm in touch with the parent and other relatives, so I know the health condition is genuine. However, the condition isn't so grave that the parent couldn't be left "home alone" whilst bf does his own thing or goes out.

I suppose I'm just really disappointed that the weekend plans were cancelled so last minute, and this involved letting my DC down, as well as another couple (who we had planned to meet and do a mutual hobby with). Not only that, but my DC (aged 7) was left very disappointed because they love it when bf visits. They get on well and always have done.

Bf lives a couple of hours drive away from us. We usually meet every couple of weeks. Both busy with careers, and I with my DC too. The arrangement has always suited us and worked well.

Bf messaged as usual this morning to say good morning, but no contact since then. We usually message a lot throughout the day, especially at weekends when we're both off work and my DC is with their dad. I've deliberately stayed off line since early this morning, hoping this might trigger some kind of "hi, are you ok?" message or call from him, but nothing.

I've been messed around in previous relationships and really want to give this one the benefit of the doubt. We've been together 2 years, so don't want to throw my toys out of the pram over this.

Not really sure what I'm asking on here... maybe just looking for validation that it's normal for me to feel hurt.

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 03/05/2025 20:17

I've deliberately stayed off line since early this morning, hoping this might trigger some kind of "hi, are you ok?" message or call from him, but nothing.
Don't be a martyr/passive aggressive. It's tiresome.
It seems you want him to consider your dc, while disregarding his ill parent?

EmeraldRoulette · 03/05/2025 20:26

well it depends

if his parent has a sniffle, that's one thing

if an unpredictable heart condition is playing up, that's another.

Yellowcakestand · 03/05/2025 20:28

Could you not have carried on with the friends and kids without him

Greenartywitch · 03/05/2025 20:38

You have been together for two years and yet you don't trust him still and you are playing games by 'staying off line'. that is not the sign of a healthy relationship.

Also, you don't live together, you only see each other every couple of weeks and you live two hours away from each other. Based on this I think you need a reality check because to me all this does sound like your relationship is more casual than what you think it is and your boyfriend seem to have his own life and priorities.

SilverButton · 03/05/2025 20:42

I wouldn't worry about one cancelled date OP - these things happen. Obviously if he keeps doing it then that's different.

Mrsttcno1 · 03/05/2025 20:50

Agree with others. He has an ill parent living with him currently, it’s totally fine for him to prioritise being there for them. A girlfriend of 2 years that you don’t live with and only see every other week does not come above a parent and nor should they.

You staying offline and playing mind games is immature.

PullTheBricksDown · 03/05/2025 21:06

Yellowcakestand · 03/05/2025 20:28

Could you not have carried on with the friends and kids without him

I thought this. Why would you all cancel because he can't go?

DenholmElliot11 · 03/05/2025 21:20

EmeraldRoulette · 03/05/2025 20:26

well it depends

if his parent has a sniffle, that's one thing

if an unpredictable heart condition is playing up, that's another.

This. It really just depends how ill his parent is. Thats what it boils down too.

It sounds as though you suspect him of using his parent as an excuse though - which he probably is.

Zanatdy · 03/05/2025 21:29

2hrs is quite a distance to be away from an ill parent. Yes it’s disappointing, but couldn’t you and your DC and other couple continued with your plans?

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