Is this normal?

[YorkshireMum28]

After DD1 was born, me and DH almost split up in that first 18 months. It was the best time for us in a way because our DD was here and we both love being parents, but for our relationship it was one of the worst. It was around the 12-15 month mark that was the really rocky make or break period but the months leading up to that weren’t great either. We didn’t have sex until the 18 month mark as we decided we’re either going to work at this or that’s it. We started to really work at it and from then on our relationship improved. To the best it had ever been from then on. I don’t know exactly what it was in that first year/year and a half but I didn’t want him around, he couldn’t do right for doing wrong. If he did or said something I didn’t like instead of talking about it together I would feel like wow this is really the cherry on the cake and want to throw the towel in. I just wanted it to be me and our dd for the longest time. We’ve had a fairly stable loving relationship 5 years prior to this.

DD2 is 9 month old next week and that same feeling has come back!!! It’s bizarre. I love DH I do. But right now, no, I couldn’t care less about this relationship. I just want to be on my own with my two girls. If he turned around tomorrow and said he’s leaving I don’t think I would care!! What is wrong with me? Is it post partum hormones? Is it a natural feeling to have with young kids? He’s great he does his fair share of cleaning and is great with the kids. I have breast fed both since birth so well aware hormones won’t have regulated etc. We’ve had sex once or twice since DD2 was born but right now I don’t want to be around him and everything he does I am so judgemental. Has anyone else had this? I recognise that it happened with my first and we came out of the other end but I most definitely think it’s hormonal now it’s happening a second time around the same age DD1 was. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Or maybe I really just do want to be single!?

I think it’s normal.
he can’t possibly be doing his ‘fair share’ because you’re breastfeeding. And I imagine you took more mat leave than he took pat leave and you had birth to recover from. That’s not his fault but that can make us feel divided. Also it’s hard having a baby! You don’t get much quality time together anymore, it’s hard to feel close to someone when it’s like that. If you felt different after 18m or so with your first I’d probably wait it out until then this time too. If he’s a nice husband and isn’t abusive, then you have nothing to lose by waiting to see if this is just hormonal, but everything to lose by making a knee jerk decision to leave.

Not sure why I’m crying reading your post. It is hard! I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old and it is really bloody hard. More so than I first thought. I cried in the bath earlier. I feel overwhelmingly sad and I can’t pin point exactly why. I don’t want to be around DH, there’s at least 10 heart wrenching moments everyday where one child needs me but I’m busy with the other. I have a job interview in a few weeks for a potential promotion at work that I I’m struggling to prepare for as I only get half an hour to myself ona night before I go to sleep myself and the jobs around the house never end. Sorry for unloading like this. It’s just a lot at the moment and I’m feeling the pressure.

This is exactly how I’ve been feeling since I had my dd 18 months ago. No interest in being around my partner, I just want to be left alone with my baby, he can’t do anything right. You’re not alone! I’m also breastfeeding and have thought it must be hormones. I’ve also struggled with my mental health too though and think I’ve had postnatal anxiety/depression which could also be contributing.

You are doing so well to look after 2 young children! It’s no wonder you don’t have much emotional energy left for him. Try to be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. It’s the hardest job in the world with one so god knows how difficult it must be with two, especially with breastfeeding and the hormonal shifts thrown in.

You've made me feel less alone with how I’m feeling so thank you for posting this

It’s so hard op. If you feel alone dealing with all of that the no wonder you feel distant from dh. Can he take anything off your plate? Does he only get half an hour too or is he getting more? Is there anyone that cold take one or both dc even for an hour or so to give you some time to prep. Even just a friend taking the older one to the park whilst younger naps might give you a little bit of time?
Could you speak to your gp theres normally therapy available for new mums that might help you with through your sadness or anxieties or just find new coping mechanisms
I bet you’re doing great, it is really hard, it’s ok to find it hard!

I’m also breastfeeding and have thought it must be hormones.
i wonder if it’s evolutionary, your body doesn’t want you close to a man and getting pregnant again whilst you’re already trying to sustain this baby. Especially if you’re already stressed and not at your healthiest

Does he work alot? I felt the same way for a little while, my partner works really long hours and only sees our son for about an hour in the morning. When he's off work I hate it cos we have our little routine and with him here it messes it all up. I used to think, I wish it was just me and my son as I pretty much do everything alone anyway and I wouldn't have to look after my partner too. But things have settled now and we each have our 'jobs' around the house