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Original poster

My boyfriend wants to buy a house for him and his son

22 replies

Itsmeeee12 · 02/05/2025 17:53

Just looking a bit of advice. I have a bf and he has a kid and I have 2 we don't live together because there isn't enough toom until my eldest moves out. We have been together for almost 6 years but he has been offered the opportunity to buy the rented house he is in. I hate his area he lives in and would never live there in the future but am I wrong in telling him I dont want him to buy it as I would never live there when I have the chance because I wanted him to move into my house which is council but we could buy it together when my eldest moves out and there is room for him and his kid?? Plus we would leave the house to the 3 kids together and if he buys his house it will be for his kid and not mine as he is the 1 buying the house

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 02/05/2025 17:55

I think he’s signalling he doesn’t want to be with you long term
why is it ok for your to demand he moves to your house tho?
it sounds like you’re not communicating with each other at all
if you’re both serious about a future then housing etc and location is a pretty usual thing to plan / talk about

rubyslippers · 02/05/2025 17:56

And all this talk about who will leave the house to who
You’re not even married so any inheritances should be seperate

Littletreefrog · 02/05/2025 17:58

He's not that into you.

And despite that I wouldn't move him and his child in as soon as your eldest moves out that's a sure fire way to make your eldest feel he's lost his home and safety net should he have any problems that mean he would mean to move back home.

AuContraire · 02/05/2025 17:58

You can buy your house yourself and leave it to yours, he can buy his and leave it to his.

Sweaterbag · 02/05/2025 17:59

Buying a house with in in the expectation that your DC would benefit from an inheritance is daft, you can't possibly know that at this point.

Have you discussed living together? I don't think he has plans to live with you.

ThejoyofNC · 02/05/2025 18:00

rubyslippers · 02/05/2025 17:56

And all this talk about who will leave the house to who
You’re not even married so any inheritances should be seperate

This.

KilkennyCats · 02/05/2025 18:01

Itsmeeee12 · 02/05/2025 17:53

Eh?
Of course he’ll be leaving his assets to his child, not yours.
What is wrong with you?!

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/05/2025 18:06

He should grab the chance to buy his place. He can always sell it and buy somewhere else.

How sure are you that your eldest is moving out and won’t be back?

Of course he’ll leave his assets to his son, it’s his son. You’re not married, you don’t seem terribly committed despite dating for 6 years, so talk of inheritance is really odd.

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 02/05/2025 18:07

You're expecting him to put his life on hold and miss an opportunity to hang about and wait until your child decides to leave home, so him and his child can move in and buy the place?

He is assuring him and his child have secure housing and not continually renting until you decide, at some unspecified point in the future, that there's enough room for him.

You've built this future in your mind, and not communicated or agreed this with him.

He's doing the right thing for himself, just as you're doing the right thing for yourself.

TwistedWonder · 02/05/2025 18:13

Yes YABU to tell him not to buy a house and to give his DC an inheritance. Just as you should buy your house separately to him and that’s your DC’s inheritance.

Why can’t you buy your place now rather than waiting til your oldest leaves?

historyrepeatz · 02/05/2025 18:19

Buying his house now doesn’t mean he can’t sell and move later but continuing to rent if he is able to buy may mean it gets more difficult later to get on the property ladder for him? Can you afford to buy your place on your own?

Also combining finances is tricky. Do you put in 50:50 and then how would you expect inheritance to be divided between the three kids only one of whom is his? Would you own the property jointly or as tenants in common?

Greenartywitch · 02/05/2025 18:21

His priority is his child, and rightly so.

If they like their current home and have an opportunity to buy it then he should go for it.

You are thinking about what is best for you but you should understand that your wishes are not more important than his and his kid's long term financial security.

crazeekat · 02/05/2025 18:24

Buy both. Each your own.

BelfastBard · 02/05/2025 18:30

The reason you don’t live together is not because there isn’t room in your house until your eldest moves out. It’s because you’re expecting him to leave his home, to move into yours. There seems to be no mention of both of you pooling together to buy a property large enough to house all your children.
Why should he forgo the opportunity to purchase his own home at this stage? Are you currently in a position to buy, and if so, why have you not purchased the home you already live in yourself?
That would leave both of you in a better position to buy another larger property together at a later date?
I suspect he simply doesn’t want to live with you. At the very least, he doesn’t want to move into your home.

rwalker · 02/05/2025 18:30

crazeekat · 02/05/2025 18:24

Buy both. Each your own.

Absolutely

ginasevern · 02/05/2025 18:37

I strongly urge you not to enmesh your finances with him OP. He's sending a clear signal that he doesn't want to live with you and he wants to live with his son. You will be heading for an absolute mess if you buy your house with him and your children will be the losers. Can you buy your council house without his input? If so, that's the best thing to do for your own security and that of your kids. He would also be daft to turn down the opportunity of buying the rented house.

RareGoalsVerge · 02/05/2025 18:41

I think you both need to put your own needs, and those of your children, first. It's ok not to live with your bf. Now I'm a bit older I am yearning for my own space. Let him go ahead and buy that house. Keep maintaining your own home. Buy it solo if you can. Keep the bf for fun.

MoominMai · 02/05/2025 18:43

I second all the above advice. Also, from his pov, who knows even if your eldest moves out that you’ll still be together. You couldn’t expect him to not go ahead and secure his and his child’s future 🤷🏻‍♀️

SocktopusEatsSocks · 02/05/2025 18:46

If he owns a house he can always rent it out and live at yours when that works for both of you with your kids ages and living situations. Then you can keep the finances more separate too if he just contributes fairly to bills at yours but you both remain sole owners of each of your separate houses.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 02/05/2025 18:54

Do you need his money in order to afford to buy your house?

I wouldn't try to make him do what you want when he's clearly wanting to do something else. It will only end in resentment.

Oriunda · 02/05/2025 18:56

Assuming you bought a house together and left the house in your respective wills to all 3 kids, how would that even work? One of you would, excluding some catastrophic event, die first. The house is then left to your 3 combined children, with the partner having the right to live in it? Or left to the partner with the hope and assumption they won’t marry or change their will?

Both of you need to protect your own children. He’s doing the right thing, imho. He can always rent his home out at a later stage and move in with you.

notsureyetcertain · 02/05/2025 19:41

Is your son moving out imminently? It’s ok to say you wouldn’t want to live there but it’s not ok to tell him what to do.

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