Hey. As the title says, I am currently struggling to cope with a relationship coming to an end when it was my fault. I am 24F and this was my first serious relationship. We were together for 3 years. For context, my ex came from a very well-off, loud family whilst I am very quiet and struggle with anxiety.
Our relationship was 'medium-distance' - we lived an hour and a half from each other. We last saw each other two weeks ago. Everything was perfect. There were no signs that a break up was coming. On Monday, a week after we last saw each other, he called me and said that he was worried about us. He went on to say that his mother (yes, he is also 24 y/o) sat him down for a chat and expressed that she did not like the way I had acted on the weekend I last saw him. She said I had been withdrawn, seemed like I did not want to be there, and had not said thank you for anything. I completely own all of these things. I had been feeling anxious and had not spoken much to his family due to numerous things going on in my life (family members seriously ill, upcoming driving test) and I admit it had slipped my mind to say thank you for a meal they had paid for. I immediately realised this on my way home and sent his mum a message expressing how grateful I was for everything they had brought. Apparently this was not enough. My ex explained about my anxiety, and the things going on my life. She responded with 'well she should leave that at home'.
My ex then went on to say that he is worried that our relationship is not 'growing'. We both still live at home with our parents. I have brought up moving in with each other multiple times but he has never seemed to want to engage in this conversation (he doesn't want to leave his home where he has a gym, a pool, a spa, etc...). He said it has grown stale. He then said that he may be making a mistake, but he wants to take a break. I was so emotional, I shut down the idea of a break and said we either stay together or we break up. He was upset and said then we break up. That was the end of that.
Fast forward 3 days, I have processed (a bit) and send him a message asking to talk as I want to clarify a few things about our break up. I said I was open to a break if there were firm boundaries, and that he needs to be brutally honest about his feelings towards me so that I can start to heal if there is no hope for us.
He said that he wants to break up properly. That he felt like he was getting more out of the relationship than he was putting in. By this, he meant that I spent a lot of time on my phone during our time together (for example when he was cooking or making drinks), that he had to book everything for us (due to my anxiety) and that after he had done a 1 hour round journey to collect me from the train station, I would just go on my phone and did not express interest in doing something with him. I completely own these things. I think there were times I did neglect him during our relationship, and I feel terrible. He said he should have told me sooner, but due to these things he was unhappy and so has fallen out of love with me. I told him I could so easily fix these things, and that I wanted to, so badly, but he said it was too late.
I'm struggling to cope with the fact I am the reason this relationship ended. That I wasn't given the chance to fix my behaviours. I love him so much and cherished every moment I spent with him and I feel so guilty that I did not show this to him. I want to fix this so bad. But he has already fallen out of love. Is it really too late? Can someone fall out of love that quickly? The weekend we spent together felt like every single other time, there were no signs that he did not love me anymore. He was initiating physical intimacy, telling me how much he loved me, talking about the future. How can things change so quickly?
I don't really know what advice I'm looking for. I suppose, how to stop fixating on the fact that this break up was preventable? How can someone fall out of love so quickly? Is there any chance of reconciliation? Thank you. I feel so low and just need people to talk to. He was my best friend. And now I have no one.