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Original poster

First ‘first date’ in 15 years tonight, eek!

27 replies

shewasjustawishx · 02/05/2025 16:28

As the title says, tonight I’m going on my first ‘first date’ in 15 years. I separated from my husband at the end of last year and have just got myself back out there on the OLD apps. Been talking to a nice guy on Hinge and we are meeting this evening for a drink. I could be sick, I’m so nervous! Any first date tips or advice from anyone? I will check back in later with how it went 😬

OP posts:
Sodthesystem · 02/05/2025 16:37

Good luck 🤞

Just brush up on red flags (like love bombing etc) Obviously that'll take you some time though. In the meantime time, if anything makes you feel uncomfortable or like he's not genuine or a boundary pusher (eg: oversharing, perhaps about about 'crazy exs' etc...) then trust your gut.

See how he reacts to the word 'no' if you get the opportunity. Eg: 'no I don't want desert I'm trying to eat healthier', does he accept that or use it as an excuse to push you into something you don't want.

Check he is divorced if there's an ex wife. Not just 'seperated'.

Otherwise just have fun. Treat it as a coffee with an interesting stranger. Don't invest much into it. The majority of dates don't go beyond two or three before you realise they aren't for you or vice versa. Honestly the fun part is usually just getting ready xD

MsNevermore · 02/05/2025 16:45

I felt exactly like this 🫠😂

I met my DH on tinder a few years after my divorce….so at that point I hadn’t been on a date in 12 years.
I was so nervous. I actually sat in my car at the place we’d arranged to meet, on the phone to my best friend who gave me a huge pep talk because I was considering cancelling right there and then because I was so nervous 🫣🫣
Turns out I had nothing to be nervous about! We’d been chatting for a few weeks before our schedules aligned and we could meet in person, and when we did meet it was like I’d known him forever. Conversation was so easy.
My only advice is just go with the flow. If a red flag pops up, trust your gut - it’s rarely wrong.

penelopemoneypenny · 02/05/2025 17:00

Just go for it.
what are you wearing in this weather? Because if you sweat when your nervous a planned outfit may be a good idea

theresbeautyinwindysun · 02/05/2025 17:03

Aaaaw, this was me a few years ago. I literally couldn’t believe it was happening! My advice is remember how different it is second time round, you know yourself so well now, what works for you and what doesn’t. Remember it’s not all about whether he likes you, it’s whether you like him! You’ve loads of life experience now and you can make choices to suit you and your lifestyle. Good luck!!

Original poster
shewasjustawishx · 02/05/2025 17:52

Thank you everyone for your comments, advice and reassurance! I’m setting off in 10 minutes and I could honestly hyperventilate 🤣

OP posts:
MsNevermore · 02/05/2025 17:55

shewasjustawishx · 02/05/2025 17:52

Thank you everyone for your comments, advice and reassurance! I’m setting off in 10 minutes and I could honestly hyperventilate 🤣

Totally normal.

Take a deep breath, check for nervous sweat and go for it 🥰

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 02/05/2025 17:59

Enjoy x

Walkerzoo · 02/05/2025 18:00

Have fun

Sodthesystem · 03/05/2025 18:57

Howd it go m'dear?

Darkgreendarkbark · 03/05/2025 19:28

@Sodthesystem all good advice except this bit seems a bit rich given the OP herself is separated and not divorced?

Check he is divorced if there's an ex wife. Not just 'seperated'.

Seems a bit insensitive to put it in quote marks as if all separated people are highly suspect and not allowed to date. Surely it's up to the OP whether she minds, and up to her date whether he indeed minds her not being divorced yet.

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 03/05/2025 19:35

How did it go. I went on a 2nd date yesterday after divorce and separation 3 years ago. I had a man child for a bf for 2.5 years who was waving red flags which I ignored. Got rid of him recently. But a little get under to get over. We went bowling and ended up in bed lol n it was hmm shit haha

BeerAndMusic · 03/05/2025 19:51

Darkgreendarkbark · 03/05/2025 19:28

@Sodthesystem all good advice except this bit seems a bit rich given the OP herself is separated and not divorced?

Check he is divorced if there's an ex wife. Not just 'seperated'.

Seems a bit insensitive to put it in quote marks as if all separated people are highly suspect and not allowed to date. Surely it's up to the OP whether she minds, and up to her date whether he indeed minds her not being divorced yet.

Also it take a minimum of what, 6 months to get a divorce. What are people supposed to do???

Darkgreendarkbark · 03/05/2025 20:16

BeerAndMusic · 03/05/2025 19:51

Also it take a minimum of what, 6 months to get a divorce. What are people supposed to do???

Show quote history

My best friend took around five years to get her divorce finalised, due to various complications. Thankfully, within about a year of having left the absolute wrong'un that was her husband, she'd got together with her current partner, and they've been happy together ever since.

Anyone can be deceptive on dating apps. There'll be men who claim to be single bachelors, who actually have a girlfriend/partner/wife. And there'll be men and women who have finally extricated themselves from an unhappy marriage and deserve to be happy - and people willing to date them who can handle that.

OP I hope you had fun on your date!

Original poster
shewasjustawishx · 03/05/2025 23:25

Hi everyone, thank you so much for all the helpful responses! Reading the replies really helped with the nerves.

The date was really great. We talked for 4 hours! I felt like I had known him forever and was immediately comfortable in his company. We also had a little kiss at the end! We’re going out again on Thursday 😊

He seems lovely but I’m going to just see how it goes - I don’t expect to know someone after one date so we’ll see if he’s still nice in 4/5 dates time, if it gets that far! I’m quite firm with my boundaries but so far he seems very respectful.

OP posts:
MsNevermore · 03/05/2025 23:32

shewasjustawishx · 03/05/2025 23:25

Hi everyone, thank you so much for all the helpful responses! Reading the replies really helped with the nerves.

The date was really great. We talked for 4 hours! I felt like I had known him forever and was immediately comfortable in his company. We also had a little kiss at the end! We’re going out again on Thursday 😊

He seems lovely but I’m going to just see how it goes - I don’t expect to know someone after one date so we’ll see if he’s still nice in 4/5 dates time, if it gets that far! I’m quite firm with my boundaries but so far he seems very respectful.

So glad you enjoyed yourself!!

Rocketman2 · 04/05/2025 10:47

This is so uplifting to read. I’m so pleased for you. I’m just feeling like I’m ready to start dating after a year free from a 25yr marriage.
youve given me inspiration.

let us know how it goes

Sodthesystem · 04/05/2025 10:55

Darkgreendarkbark · 03/05/2025 19:28

@Sodthesystem all good advice except this bit seems a bit rich given the OP herself is separated and not divorced?

Check he is divorced if there's an ex wife. Not just 'seperated'.

Seems a bit insensitive to put it in quote marks as if all separated people are highly suspect and not allowed to date. Surely it's up to the OP whether she minds, and up to her date whether he indeed minds her not being divorced yet.

It's not really the same thing though as men lie about being separated all the time when infact they aren't. We've ve no reason to suspect op is lying about her situation. No need to go looking for offense when none is given.

Sodthesystem · 04/05/2025 11:01

BeerAndMusic · 03/05/2025 19:51

Also it take a minimum of what, 6 months to get a divorce. What are people supposed to do???

Show quote history

You can't not date for 6 months? That's not long.

Why on earth would you want to date that soon after a marriage? Unless you can't be single. Or are trying to convince yourself you've still got it by using validation from dating..which is probably unhealthy.

Even if the marriage was dead in the water for years it would be wise to wait a while properly single surely?

Fair enough if it were two years and they were still only seperated, which it might be. But then I'd assume either they were dragging their heels for sone reason...or there was acrimonious drama that it might be best not getting involved in.

Or course that applies to women too tbf.

Freeflight · 04/05/2025 11:20

@Sodthesystem i think it's very subjective and depends how the relationship ended, what led to it and what personality type you have.
It took me 7 years to leave my ex husband and I had a fair bit of therapy in that period so by 6 months id have been good to date as it took 6 months from me knowing the marriage was done to pluck up the courage to say it out loud to start with.

@BeerAndMusic took me 11 months to divorce, took almost 8 to get to the final order bit because of delays reading the conditional order in court which then had a knock on effect. Then add on the financial Order...

You just have to keep having hope really, it will have ups and downs but know that when things aren't feeling so great, something positive will come along at some point. It's a roller coaster. But I'm glad the date went well @op

theresbeautyinwindysun · 04/05/2025 23:22

Glad your date went well! Fab!

BeerAndMusic · 05/05/2025 21:23

Sodthesystem · 04/05/2025 11:01

You can't not date for 6 months? That's not long.

Why on earth would you want to date that soon after a marriage? Unless you can't be single. Or are trying to convince yourself you've still got it by using validation from dating..which is probably unhealthy.

Even if the marriage was dead in the water for years it would be wise to wait a while properly single surely?

Fair enough if it were two years and they were still only seperated, which it might be. But then I'd assume either they were dragging their heels for sone reason...or there was acrimonious drama that it might be best not getting involved in.

Or course that applies to women too tbf.

Edited
Show quote history

Everyone is different and works at a different pace.

In my case the marriage had been dead for 12 months plus. Personally, going dating helped a lot. It made me realise I was not happy in marriage so didnt have those regrets about splitting. It kept me focussed and in a good place, no wallowing and staying in. I also met some lovely people and some 5 months after split met someone who I will have been with for 2 years soon

HollidaySunshine · 05/05/2025 21:25

How exciting!

Original poster
shewasjustawishx · 06/05/2025 08:09

BeerAndMusic · 05/05/2025 21:23

Everyone is different and works at a different pace.

In my case the marriage had been dead for 12 months plus. Personally, going dating helped a lot. It made me realise I was not happy in marriage so didnt have those regrets about splitting. It kept me focussed and in a good place, no wallowing and staying in. I also met some lovely people and some 5 months after split met someone who I will have been with for 2 years soon

Show quote history

This post sums up my situation quite well. I had been emotionally checked out of my marriage for over a year, but I wanted to do right for our kids and try and get feelings back so I kept trying, but sadly I eventually realised that it wasn’t ever going to be ‘right’ for me again. My STBXH is quite an emotionally ‘cold’ man (the crux of a lot of our problems) and has already been dating, so I thought I’d see what was out there too. I’m fine with the idea of being single for a while, but I’d also like to have some fun! I’m not desperately trying to find another relationship this soon. If it happens, great, if not, dating will be something that gives me some good anecdotes 😊

I’m going out again with ‘first date guy’ on Thursday and I’m looking forward to it - I’m having fun chatting with him.

Thank you again for everyone’s great advice on here!

OP posts:
TotemPolly · 10/05/2025 19:24

@shewasjustawishx

How did it go ?

Original poster
shewasjustawishx · 11/05/2025 10:53

Hello @TotemPolly it’s going really well so far thank you! We had a second date on Thursday, to the cinema and for drinks afterwards, and we went out on Friday too for a walk and lunch. Seeing each other again on Monday. He seems lovely so far and we get on well, have similar life goals and values etc. I really like him. 😊

OP posts:
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