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Original poster

Is it normal for your dh to take you out somewhere nice off his own back or is social media getting to me

38 replies

Goldcherry · 02/05/2025 16:13

Feels like everyone’s dh sorts them going out somewhere nice all the time. Mine doesn’t do this and I used to not really care and do the organising if I want to go out but I have said to him it would be nice if he sorted it.

Thing is, he likes staying at home so unless I organise it we stay in. I feel like I knew that when I married him so my bed to lie in etc but wonder if I should expect more or accept this.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 02/05/2025 17:46

I think people are who they are and it’s unreasonable to expect them to change, but my husband is to be fair really good for stuff like this, probably better than me. He is the one who spots nice foodie places, nice hotels or spas for us to try, he’s good at the thoughtful things and always has been. If he hadn’t been them I wouldn’t expect after 15 years for him to suddenly start being though, I wouldn’t want him to do it because he feels he has to, the main reason I appreciate it so much is because he does it because he wants to

Original poster
Goldcherry · 02/05/2025 21:19

Well it appears this is more common than I thought! Thats fairly reassuring anyway. I have spoken to dh about it but I’m not holding out for any massive changes these days. I think he goes away to find places and then realises he prefers his sofa… oh well.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 03/05/2025 16:18

Where is somewhere nice though? I mean, pre-kids when we had more disposable income, we’d go to the pub a few times a week.

Now that we are older, we go out somewhere nice a few times a year for a meal maybe. Dh has organised 2 trips away for us (without kids) over the years, which were really nice.

But mostly, if we wanted to go somewhere nice, we’d discuss it and organise it between us. It wouldn’t be like Dh taking me somewhere. It would be us sorting something together. And unless it was a holiday, I definitely wouldn’t put it on social media.

I only know a few people who plaster their relationships on social media in a stealth boast sort of way. They don’t have very healthy relationships and are trying to overcompensate.

WellyBellyBoo · 03/05/2025 16:22

It's social media. My DH only takes me out and vice versa when we agree where to go and have organised childcare.

Chewbecca · 03/05/2025 16:25

My DH books tickets to bands from the 1970s he wants to see, I accompany him 😂

ViciousCurrentBun · 03/05/2025 16:54

Mine whisked me off my feet and bought me lunch in a garden centre today, it had all the makings of an absolute bodice ripper as our eyes locked over my jacket spud with tuna and cheese.

Social media that actually shows what an individual is doing has been a detriment to society in a myriad of ways. It’s also ruined some stuff as twats that only want a SM pic get in the bloody way.

Maddy70 · 03/05/2025 17:16

I always have to ask "what shall we do tonight ". Then it prompts

WitcheryDivine · 03/05/2025 17:32

Mine does organise things, ordinarily nice things like going out for my birthday or suggesting an outing for the family. Nothing fancy or show offy though and neither of us are active on SM so no one hears about it (sorry DH).

verycloakanddaggers · 03/05/2025 17:38

he likes staying at home so unless I organise it we stay in. I feel like I knew that when I married him He is who he is. What did you like about him when you married? Has he changed, or have you, or are you just comparing with other people's probably embellished SM posts?

I'd say get off SM and focus on your own life.

saraclara · 03/05/2025 17:41

Ddakji · 02/05/2025 16:31

Nope! Pretty much never. We do go out, though not much, but we decide together and it’s not a big deal.

That's how my 35 year marriage worked. I don't see anything wrong with it. I didn't surprise him with 'dates' either.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 03/05/2025 17:53

I find the idea of being 'taken out' by a husband or wife a bit odd tbh. We decide together if we want to go out, and where to go. Dh and I have been married for 20 years and I don't think either of us has even once organised and booked to take the other one out somewhere without it being just something we came up with together. Tbh I'm constantly surprised on MN by the things people do and don't expect from their partners!

Minor1000 · 04/05/2025 08:54

Man here. I seem to have the opposite to a lot of the men here - I organise everything and my wife rarely does, she would prefer to stay home reading or knitting. I organised a two night stay in an expensive hotel for her special birthday this year and for her best friend and hubby to stay at the same time. It's my special birthday over the summer. I'm not holding my breath she will organise anything although I have made a couple of suggestions. I suppose it's just the way we are. I'll go to the ends of the world for her. She won't even go to the end of the street for me 😂but we've been together 25 years so you make your bed etc.

Namerchangee · 04/05/2025 08:56

My DH would never surprise me by taking me anywhere. He just doesn’t think about things like that.

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