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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Staying married for the children, DD self harming

1 reply

Devonyogamum · 02/05/2025 14:05

My friend, after many years of unhappiness in her marriage has finally been through therapy for herself and then couples therapy as a ‘last go’. At the end of these sessions, arguments and bitterness and hatred being spouted, she said she couldn’t go on. They arrived at a divorce decision. They’ve told their family and friends. They’ve told their teenage children, and they are moving along with this plan although it is not an amicable decision and blame and toxicity remains in the house.

Their 12 yr old daughter has always been a bit complex. However, after 3 weeks of announcing the divorce she has started self harming with pencil sharpener blades and kitchen knives.

So she’s put a halt on the divorce and told her daughter she will stay.

Please can someone tell me their thoughts on this decision as I totally disagree and think she should get out and create a happy home of her own, and I feel the home environment hasn’t helped and won’t help her DD. Their house has been full of lies and avoidance, zero affection for each other and bitterness over the years.

Am I being fair with my thoughts as I want to be there for her but it’s been an exhausting journey which she was finally moving forward on but now has cancelled due to DD.

OP posts:
Tdcp · 02/05/2025 14:08

My 12 year old niece went through this. She was self harming and very nearly killed herself twice. Therapy for the daughter and mother would be the course I would choose here. Staying in the relationship is a really bad sticking plaster for a wide range of issues.

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