Struggling with partner's low mood and apathy

[Doughnutforme762829]

Hi all,

I'm pretty sure my partner is depressed. He is always obsessing over health symptoms and saying things like he's worried he's not going to be here long. He is constantly huffing and saying how tired he is all the time, doesn't really want to make plans to do things together or as a family. However, he will make plans to play football or see his friends to go to gigs etc.

Whenever we do get out as a family (one DS) he complains how hard it is, and he doesn't want to go too far from home, there is literally hardly any enjoyment. I push to make plans for us in terms of holidays and end up planning almost everything.

He doesn't want to do anything to our house to maintain it like DIY and doesn't like gardening, so all this is left to me to either do it or organise a workman. Says it's not a top priority for him with needing to get himself well (self-care time) and our DS.

I'd really like to move to somewhere bigger, as ours in very small, but he has said he's happy where we are and that he'd only like to go somewhere that is completely ready to move into which we can't really afford. He hasn't really done much about looking or trying to get our house ready to sell so I worry that if we do move most of the planning/organising will be left to me.

We sleep in separate beds, as I kick in the night and keep him awake and haven't had sex for around 18 months, which I'm finding so hard, as we feel so distant.

The low mood is bringing me down with it and I'm struggling to hold it together for our DS.

@Doughnutforme762829 It sounds like you are in an awful rut, both of you. I think you are right, he does sound depressed. How authentic do you think his health concerns are? Do you think he is actually in pain? This could genuinely bring him down, or is it a case of hypocondria?
Have you tried talking to him about your situation? Explain how you feel and what you would like from your lives together and why?
Do you think this is him struggling to adjust to life as a parent? Or were there signs of this behaviour before children?
I can see how this could be bringing you down and I am sure the lack of intimacy will be helping neither of you, as it helps create and support connection and bonding. Do you feel there is a reason that it has stopped? Is there other forms of affection, physical or otherwise between you?

Im in a simmilar situation to you.
Ive come to accept my partner doesn't want family life (ie responsabilities) or me anymore.
Im not saying that to be harsh but ive wasted a good 2 years in denial.
He is here as its convenient for him.
Does your partner smoke weed or gamble or anything?
You could try writing him a letter of how you feel as sometimes sitting discussions get side tracked x

Sorry to hear you're in that situation. My partner left shortly after me writing this post. He said it was our relationship making his MH bad and that I put too much pressure on him. To fulfil the bare minimum.

It's been really hard, but I'm hoping that in time I will see that this was all for the best.

I realised after I posted it was an old thread, so sorry.
How are you feeling now?
For what it's worth you weren't putting any pressure he just sounded like a man child simmilar to my partner.
You can concentrate on your daughter now and building your self esteem.
If you were still with him it would be constant frustration, knocking self esteem because of lack of intimacy and being pushed to spend time which would upset you.
Are you managing financially and child wise etc?
Have you ever looked up co ery narcist x