Different political views

[natel]

There is a woman who latched onto me from a running group. I only hear off when she has a problem. She really annoys me because she has different political views and tells me what she thinks and I have to bite my tongue as I disagree. I avoid discussing politics with people. If I even said what my views were she would gaslight, twist and make up lies about me.

Years ago she asked who I voted for and I lied and said I didn’t and then she was lecturing me saying I should voted for the sorry she votes for. I said you have no right to tell me about how I vote and she backed off. If I told her she would have gone mental.

How can people be friends with people who have different political views? It’s like they couldn’t care less if you lost your job and ended up homeless as they condone it. Some people just want to control everyone’s thoughts.

I think if you find her views too upsetting and opposite to you, you need to nip it in the bud. Tell her, as soon as she starts, that you have a rule that you don’t discuss politics with friends and swiftly change the subject. Ask her if she saw such and such on the telly, if she has any trips planned etc etc. Have a list of questions in your head to deflect. See if that gives her the hint. Has she any redeeming qualities? If she’s a complete pain in the arse I’d use this tactic and then avoid her as much as possible. We don’t all have to agree at all but people should realise their view isn’t the only one and shouldn’t foist their opinions on others. She’s probably pissing others off doing this as well.

My DH and I have very different political views.
it is what it is - we still love each other and can have our conversations and debates. It’s the main thing we have ‘arguments’ about really but not a huge stumbling point, we are both adults and can communicate effectively about our differences

It sounds like it's not the political views, it's her overbearingness that's the problem and the way she twists and distorts things.

What do you mean she would go mental?

I think you should just be yourself. Be open about your political views. If she doesn't like it, then maybe she will fuck off

I think on the whole for friendships / relationships to
work, you would share the same politics.
To me it’s pretty important. Shows something of a person’s character and values.

You need to tell her you no longer wish to discuss politics with her. There's nothing else for it.🤷‍♀️

Good luck @natel.🤞

I don't share political views with everyone around me, and it's fine. Because none of us try to impose our views on one another. It sounds like this lady does, so...a friendship with her will never work. These kind of people are missionaries, and their mission is to convert you - nit befriend you.

Besides, the fact that you only hear from her when she has a problem is another reason to keep her at a distance.

if I even said what my views were she would gaslight, twist and make up lies about me.
How do you know this about her?

Of course you shouldn't bother with someone you don't like

My most recent ex had opposing political views to me and would go on and on, insisting he was right and I was wrong. Even me saying we'd have to agree to disagree didn't work and it got very tiring.

My friend would definitely "cancel" me if she knew I don't share her politics, so I share the OP's fears. She is very forceful and says things assuming I must agree with her. I simply don't answer her message or change the subject. I am comfortable with someone not sharing my views, but wish others would live and let live.

She sounds awful. Why are you friends with her then?

I have very strong political views that I am very outspoken about. By and large, 90% of my friends share the same political views because I’ve had the same values and beliefs since I was a teenager, so I’ve tended to gravitate towards people with similar values and lifestyles.

The other 10% are friends who don’t have similar political views but aren’t so aggressive in their beliefs that they irritate me, or haven’t been massively irritated by my very vocal stance. I never argue with people or attack them directly. But everyone knows where I stand.

Over the years, all the others have just disappeared, one of us letting the friendship die. I have lots of old friends from school, for example, who are now QAnon conspiracy theorists, Trump loving, pro-Russia nut jobs. None of them want anything to do with me and I feel the same. 😂 They are bonkers as all hell, so we are no longer friends. You don’t have to ever be friends with anyone you don’t want to be.

Thanks all for your advice. I will have to keep my distance or get rid completely. She is the type who wants to be top dog and not want anyone doing better than her. She has applied for lots of jobs and can’t progress at her employer now as in the past she would get the job and then onto another department 6 months later. Management felt she was wasting their time being trained up and not staying. She moved on to get more ‘experience’.

I need to find friends with similar political views.

I very much disagree with this. Everyone needs to be kept in check. Living in a bubble will not help you.

one of my best friends has very different political views and is lovely. It’s all based on what you’ve encountered in the media. In fact lately my views are moving towards hers and I’m seeing why she sees things that way. She is not evil in any way. And not am i btw

I have friends whose political views are unknown to me. It's not something we feel the need to talk about. I have other friends whose political views do not coincide with mine, and on the rare occasion they mention something I disagree with, I'm totally non-committal. If they started badgering me and wanting to know my opinion, I'd just say I never discuss politics with friends.

Just had another friend randomly preaching in my inbox. I had to respectfully disagree with him. They make me so mad. They have no idea what I have been through.

I think the problem is allowing dick heads into your life.
She sounds like a loon, as does the emailer. Her not-friendly behaviour is independent of her political beliefs.

I tend to find my left leaning friends are generally the most vocal about their political opinions.
The grown ups tend to keep their thoughts to themselves.

My DH has very different political views to me. He votes and I don’t. We also have very different religious views but we respect each other’s beliefs and views and are respectful when we talk about it. It is possible to do.

I am kind to and get along with everyone, but I personally could not be close friends with someone who doesn't share similar morals/values, which are closely tied with political beliefs for me. I don't need us to be an exact match, and there are some topics I am more flexible on than others, but I have a lot of non-negotiables. It also depends on how you communicate your beliefs. I'm a die hard liberal leftie. However, I'm fine with someone saying 'I think as a collective in Europe we need to think about how best to support asylum seekers without it impacting local communities' or 'I believe we need to review immigration controls'. There's a vast difference between that and 'shoot the boats' type statements.