Relationship help pls

[dollyblue01]

Ok wise mumsnetters I have a relationship problem as follows
I’ve been with my Dp 3 years now , because of his shifts etc it was mostly a weekend thing which kinda suited me perfectly and initially I wasn’t looking for anything at that time.
However Here we are 3 years down the line and he’s been asking me to move in p/t to begin with, I won’t lie I like my own space a lot, as does he or so I thought, for context I’m 40 he’s 50 and I’m his longest relationship … my previous one was 15 years.
I had a real of 18months before looking to date again.
He’s said today I’ve got two weeks to make it happen or we’re done as he’s been asking me for the best part of a year.
His life consists of work , takeaway bed in the week , mine is very active and I have a son who’s 17 and lives 50/50 with me and his dad.
The last few days he’s been laying it on thick, I’ve said I’ll give it a go, he’s been really negative about it all , even though he says it’s what he wants ..
it’s like he’s looking for an excuse for me to fuck up and he can call it a day, I’m therefore wondering has someone caught his eye, does he like the rose tinted new relationships and ours has become boring, or am I overthinking this ?
we’re having a talk tomorrow night and he’s said it’s basically make or break, I don’t know what to think and he’s confused the hell out of me , is he doing this so he can end it without any guilt or ? I just don’t know what to think anymore, I’ve said this to him and he says I’m crazy , am I ?

Hmmm. Why is he so desperate for you to move in and how do you suspect it will go if you do? If you think you’ll end up looking after him in any way, that’d be a hard no from me. If you’re happy as you are, tell him that and if that’s not what he wants then let him go. Don’t be pressured into a big life change that you don’t want because he’s threatened to flounce if you don’t do what he wants.

He wants some commitment he says after three years and I’m not showing him I do apparently.

This is what I want to , happy living alone and after my ex don’t really see why I’d want to live with anyone again.

You’re so right on this, because it’s what I had done and he did exactly what you’ve just said.

Gosh this is so very true! I learnt this after reflecting on my recent break up. Always getting accused led me to give away a lot of information from non stop explanations which he then stored up in his tiny vindictive head and used against me at the most unexpected of times!

Also, he doesn’t sound a pleasant person. Ultimatums is not the way.

Insular lifestyle - no idea where infertile came from

Just an update, we discussed it and I said I’d stay over Wednesday and Friday night and go home Sunday, seemed happy with that, did Wednesday , later that night said he didn’t realise I was staying … it was what we’d said , thought it was odd but did anyway, Friday night went out , had a few drinks and he says that he thought I’d have given more bla bla and doesn’t think it’s what I want, ended up in a row and I left Saturday morning to him txt me saying it’s over I’ve had enough time to show him progression etc ( I reminded him that there were other factors both on mine and his side that was the reason for that. He told me it done and over, I asked could I later pick my stuff up, then it’s done he said no.
Had abit of a conversion yesterday where whatever I said he wasn’t convinced I wanted progression, he said , I said he set me up to fail from day one , this morning he’s txt to say hope I’m ok and he wishes yesterday didn’t happen, in the cold
light of day today I’m fuming, feel
like he planned this maybe ? I asked if there was someone else as it’s been hit and cold for a few weeks, I need my stuff from his and haven’t replied yet to this morning txts , don’t know what to think or do now.

Go get your stuff and live happily ever after 🌺