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Original poster

Is it silly to want to get the last word in? (OLD)

34 replies

BusyUser · 30/04/2025 17:01

The situation is this - spoke to a guy on Tinder/Whatsapp for about a week, good chat but no arrangement to meet. He texted me on Thursday evening and I didn’t reply until Tuesday. Honestly fair enough if that’s a red flag for someone in the early days of dating, but he was so weird about it and the conversation then goes like this (paraphrased because I deleted the WhatsApp chat in a rage):

Me - Hello hello sorry I ended up having a really busy weekend. How’s it going?
Him (within seconds) - It’s Tuesday 🤣
Assuming he’s annoyed, thought ok I’ll just leave it there then.
Him (few hours later) - I’ve got to ask, what are you looking for?
Me - Def not casual, to each their own but I’m too old for that! How about you? How long have you been single?
Him - A relationship definitely but it needs to be with the right person, can’t be forced, not going to chase anyone. Been single for one year after a 10 year relationship so “I ain’t got time for playing games”. (Actually what he said!)
Me - Agreed. Are you free this week or perhaps next to do something?
Him - Next week would be better, let me know when you’re free and we’ll see.
Me - I’m free all week so take your pick!

I don’t think he will reply to arrange anything but now I’ve stewed on it, I’m actually really annoyed with this. I’m tempted to message explaining the reality, which is that I was helping my mum all weekend because she’s really poorly with cancer and not getting better.

Is that silly? I know he won’t care but it’s the principle - I’m not playing games I just want to spend time with my wee mum!

OP posts:
Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk · 30/04/2025 17:03

I'm failing to see what exactly you are angry about!

Talipesmum · 30/04/2025 17:05

I’ve never done online dating so maybe not the best to answer, but from his perspective it’s not unreasonable for him to feel a little wary about someone who texts all week, then nothing from thurs to Tues, then pops back up again. You know you have a perfectly reasonable explanation but he doesn’t know you at all. I don’t really see anything too bad in what he said.

babytum · 30/04/2025 17:07

I can’t see what’s annoyed you so much either

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 30/04/2025 17:10

not going to chase anyone……..I ain’t got time for playing games

I’m not sure I like the sound of these statements, they veer too far to the bitter side for me.

MarkingBad · 30/04/2025 17:10

It's up to you but it's a bit personal for me at the stage you are at. People can be really put off by over sharing early on.

You don't need to have the last word, the ball is in his court now, if he doesn't want to go on a date or reply it's up to him.

That's my take on it fwiw

Sofiewoo · 30/04/2025 17:11

I don’t see where you’re coming from either. You didn’t reply to him for days, he very lightly mentioned it, why would you use your mum having cancer as some sort of gotcha/ “last word”?

AgnesX · 30/04/2025 17:15

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 30/04/2025 17:10

not going to chase anyone……..I ain’t got time for playing games

I’m not sure I like the sound of these statements, they veer too far to the bitter side for me.

If there's been radio silence for 4 days, I can kind of see where he's coming from. Just in case the OP was some kind of " hot then cold" type and a bit of a player.

I dont care for the tone either mind you.

AnonWho23 · 30/04/2025 17:17

Just leave it. You're aggy and you haven't even met him yet.

Tbh, I don't think he's done anything wrong. He commented on your lack of response that he perceived as game playing. It takes two seconds to text and you didn't. Maybe you got distracted or forgot to reply and that's fine as well. I wouldn't make it a thing.

If you want to meet him send a casual how's your week going are you still up for meeting next week. If not just block and delete.

Original poster
BusyUser · 30/04/2025 17:18

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 30/04/2025 17:10

not going to chase anyone……..I ain’t got time for playing games

I’m not sure I like the sound of these statements, they veer too far to the bitter side for me.

Yes that was definitely the tone of the messages, they were almost like accusatory. The “It’s Tuesday 🤣” really caught me off guard. Wish I just left it there honestly.

Thanks anyway.

OP posts:
ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 30/04/2025 17:19

AgnesX · 30/04/2025 17:15

If there's been radio silence for 4 days, I can kind of see where he's coming from. Just in case the OP was some kind of " hot then cold" type and a bit of a player.

I dont care for the tone either mind you.

Show quote history

That’s true, I think I took the statements at face value without looking at the four day gap 🤔.

edited - but then she doesn’t owe a complete stranger anything…..

but there was no need for him to reply like that…..

OP, if you’re not feeling it then it’s fine, but you go with how you feel. If 50/50, perhaps meet for a quick coffee and check out his general vibe?

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 30/04/2025 17:20

Honestly, I think his tone is a bit funny but your texting pattern is odd. Why not just say, I'll not be around next few days, pick up later?

I think he is trying to set clear boundaries and fair enough. He wants a relationship not casual fwb stuff.

ouch321 · 30/04/2025 17:21

I'm with him, it only takes say 30 seconds to type, 'Hi, sorry so busy this weekend, text you soon' or whatever.
That can be done whilst waiting for the kettle to boil or stirring your food whilst cooking.

Pbjsand · 30/04/2025 17:21

Don’t understand what you’re annoyed about? I wouldn’t bother with someone who went awol after regular texting so I think he’s being gracious?

MounjaroMounjaro · 30/04/2025 17:23

Why didn't you say, "I'm really sorry I haven't been online. My mum's ill with cancer and I had to spend the weekend with her"?

HollidayRanger · 30/04/2025 17:24

The aint would be a block for me but if you like him no harm in being patient

Original poster
BusyUser · 30/04/2025 17:25

MounjaroMounjaro · 30/04/2025 17:23

Why didn't you say, "I'm really sorry I haven't been online. My mum's ill with cancer and I had to spend the weekend with her"?

Yes I should have done, it’s just not something I like to bring up because it’s so heavy to say to a stranger.

OP posts:
ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 30/04/2025 17:30

I would take two things from this situation.

1 your mum is ill (really sorry about that) so are you sure you’re in the best frame of mind to be online dating?

2 you were already chatting for a week with no date set up. I think that’s too long, I think about three to four days max is all I’d spend messaging. What if he smells? What if he’s a sniffer? What if he can’t look you in the eye? No point messaging too long as something like that can turn a ‘mmm’ into a ‘hmm’ within five minutes.

TasWair · 30/04/2025 17:36

I'd be really wary of someone who left it that long before replying to a message tbh. I'm really really sorry about your mum OP- I hope you're bearing up. Just keep in mind that he knows none of that, he just thinks you're not that bothered and that's a natural conclusion to come to after such a long gap in communication.
I don't think the "ain't got time for playing games" things is unfair or red flaggy either really. He wants a serious relationship and is setting out his stall straight away.

HowToBuy · 30/04/2025 17:39

Agree with PPs… I would have responded the exact same way as him, but I would not have agreed to meet if someone had left me hanging for 4 days and then popped back up, so he’s got more patience than I do! It only takes a few seconds to send a message saying you’re busy, you’ll be back in touch next week?

What exactly do you have a problem with in the messages?

Original poster
BusyUser · 30/04/2025 17:55

HowToBuy · 30/04/2025 17:39

Agree with PPs… I would have responded the exact same way as him, but I would not have agreed to meet if someone had left me hanging for 4 days and then popped back up, so he’s got more patience than I do! It only takes a few seconds to send a message saying you’re busy, you’ll be back in touch next week?

What exactly do you have a problem with in the messages?

Would you actually be like that, so nippy and on the offence to someone you’ve never even met? Why not say like “Sorry this won’t work out, I need someone who can communicate with me every day.”?

OP posts:
HowToBuy · 30/04/2025 18:02

BusyUser · 30/04/2025 17:55

Would you actually be like that, so nippy and on the offence to someone you’ve never even met? Why not say like “Sorry this won’t work out, I need someone who can communicate with me every day.”?

Show quote history

But I don’t see his message as nippy or that he was taking offence? His response wasn’t aggressive or anything?

If I had been messaging someone all week until Thursday and then they just completely left me hanging until Tuesday, I’d be laughing too! I’d be thinking ‘Ha, this guy reckons I’ve nothing better to be doing than to sit around and wait for him to message me’. My response would have been the exact same as his initial response, but I would then have said that this wasn’t going to work and blocked you. I certainly wouldn’t be entertaining a conversation about meeting you. I think hes actually been pretty patient and probably keen on you.

HowToBuy · 30/04/2025 18:03

And it’s not that I would need someone to communicate with me everyday… but come on, you ghosted the guy for 4 days 😂

TwistedWonder · 30/04/2025 18:53

BusyUser · 30/04/2025 17:55

Would you actually be like that, so nippy and on the offence to someone you’ve never even met? Why not say like “Sorry this won’t work out, I need someone who can communicate with me every day.”?

Show quote history

Why would he bother when he’s had radio silence from you for several days?

Honestly I think you’re the unreasonable one here. He’s not a mind reader and I don’t see him replying factually that it is in fact Tuesday is ‘snippy’ - the fact he’s replied at all and not deleted you is more than I would have done.

RockingBeebo · 30/04/2025 19:59

I totally agree with you OP. I'm surprised at all the people reading it differently. Bitter, snippy, accusatory. I would think NOTHING worse of a person I was messaging online for a short period going quiet for 4 days then popping up. I wouldn't meet him now. No chance.

Hallywally · 30/04/2025 20:12

I don’t think you need to message excessively before meeting up but if you’re actually trying to make plans with someone and just making plans with some drags on and on, I’d assume they weren’t arsed or we’re playing the field. Plans need firming up fairly quick otherwise it’s just a waste of time.