Loving someone you can never be with...

[Clarasmum444]

I'll try not to drip feed but have to be careful not to be too outing.
I've been in love with a man for 4 years. Due to various different reasons, mainly his drug addiction, we can never be together. He tells me he loves me too and says if we want it enough it can work. I disagree and stand by this, I won't change my mind. However he has recently met another woman and got engaged and I'm devastated. The worst thing is he only knows this woman because of me. I'm trying to be pleased for him but it's so hard. I need to cut contact with him don't I?

Yes, I think you need to cut contact.

I'd cut contact. You've made your decision and he's moved on and found someone else. Wish him well and leave it there rather than trying to force yourself to be genuinely pleased. Some things don't work out for good reason. You didn't want to get tied down to his addiction issues. That's understandable. If he's got to the point of getting engaged and still telling you he loves you and hopes things would work out that doesn't speak well of his behaviour as a partner and future husband.

I don’t have any advice but I wanted to say that I am also in a similar situation, for completely different reasons, and it’s horrible, so solidarity. In my case, he’s the one who has cut contact and it’s killing me even though I know it’s the right thing to do. I really miss him but I hope it will get better.

Yes cut contact. I doubt your love for him would've survived his drug addiction. My late DH was an alcoholic - yes, it killed him in the end - so I know what I'm talking about. Addiction is like a black hole. It drains every ounce of love and dignity leaving in its wake a trail of misery, confusion and destruction. Let it be the new woman's life, not yours, and be grateful you can move on.

Sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you start to feel better soon xx

Of course he will marry someone else—for a while. The marriage market for addicted men, like the stock market, relies on sales to the “next fool”—that is the poor woman who has taken on this fixer upper either because she hasn’t known him long enough, is delusional, or feels she got a good deal swiping him from you. Either way—in any event—stop being a romantic patsy. The best decision of your life was not to go forward with an addict. So pat yourself on the back and cut both of them off. It will be difficult watching their folie a deux play out.

Yes you need to cut contact with him. If he's an active addict, his relationships will always be a shitshow. I know it's hard when you care about someone but you have made the decision and you need to move on with your life.

Not only cut contact but actually be grateful he’s out of your life! Lucky escape

Best of luck to his fiancé....you dodged a bullet there. Stop romanticising him

Cut contact. He’s not in a place to be in a healthy relationship. Be grateful he’s not ruining your life so you have to post on here with reams of red flags asking if you should leave him. His fiancée might need to though.

YOu really don't need to be pleased for him - why would you?

Nobody here knows the ins and outs but we all know- your happiness lies in a far away direction to this man. Keep moving.

You are so smart not to have pursued this relationship. Cut contact. You will heal. Your life with an addict would be horrid even if he is otherwise someone younger for.