What happened here ? I’m confused and would appreciate your opinions please.

[reeceseggs]

I met a man at a bar last year. Long story short, he told me he was separated but living together as they have a child with AN.
I told him I had no interest until they were officially separated and lived apart but we text now and again I’ve r the year.
he text a month ago to say he has bought a place and was moving out by end of the month.
We met, kissed and he suggested we date. I agreed.
After that, contact was sporadic and to me it showed disinterest. I text after a week saying that I didn’t have interest in continuing this sham and I felt it was unfair to ask me to date when he wasn’t in the right head space to do that.( He had recently text to say he was up and down about it all but relieved it was formalised, hence my text to him)
He didn’t even reply!
what happened here in your opinion?

What mannerly response did you expect, when within a week of dating, you texted him that you didn't want to be part of "this sham" and that he had been unfair to you? Based on apparently nothing more than his texting that week had been sporadic and he had admitted to feeling up and down over the break-up of his family unit?

He had asked me if I’d like to date him and I agreed. He then didn’t bother to contact me for a week after . Either my standards are too high or he is a flake. Which is it I wonder ?

Does it matter? He didn't meet your standards, you said so, it's all done and over with.

It’s neither, he just isn’t available to date because despite whatever he’s told you he’s just not available, likely because he is in fact NOT separated!

He changed his mind, found someone else, is still shagging his wife - whatever! It’s nothing to do with your standards or him being a flake, he’s not interested so move on

If you'd have carried on dating, he knew you'd probably want to visit his imaginary house at some point.

TBF I mean how is someone 'flakey' in one week?

Did he cancel two dates at the last minute?

while we had a lovely date in a Friday , he didn’t contact me for a further ten days and at that , he text at seven am with a generic text about him babysitting his child. I think that’s low effort and signifies a lack of interest

Absolutely. Referring to him parenting as ‘babysitting’ his child absolutely shows low effort and a lack of interest in his parenting responsibilities. Not a man of good character at all

So why are you bothered enough to create a thread? He’s married, he’s got commitments and he obviously didn’t see the date in same way as you to nor message for 10 days.

It’s not that complicated to waste headspace

Why did you continue interacting with him when you knew he was still married (or together if he is)— still in a relationship?

Being “separated” isn’t the same as being single or emotionally available. It’s still a legally and emotionally committed state. Separation can mean many things, but it doesn't mean someone is free to pursue new romantic relationships without consequences.

When you chose to exchange numbers and continue communicating with him, you crossed a line. Whether intentional or not, that behavior blurred boundaries and created confusion. It can come across as emotionally inconsistent and misleading.

Keeping the lines of communication open instead of cutting ties has only complicated things further. You're sending mixed signals and constantly shifting your stance with him — that’s unfair and confusing.

Why haven’t you ended it once and for all? Are you keeping him around because it feels exciting or validating? Are you hoping for something more down the line? If so, that’s not only misleading — it’s emotionally manipulative.

Don’t reshape the idea of “we’re separated” to suit your preferences. That phrase doesn’t mean someone is truly available. It’s a red flag — a sign that the person hasn’t closed one chapter before trying to start another.

A responsible, emotionally mature person makes sure their past relationship is fully resolved — legally, emotionally, logistically — before entering something new. Healing, space, and proper closure are essential.

We don’t know everything about his relationship, so we can’t fairly label him a cheater. For all we know, this behavior may be acceptable in his dynamic.

But what we do know is that he told you upfront about his situation. That means the responsibility lies with you for what happened next. He didn’t force you to engage. You could’ve said no and walked away.

This didn’t need to become a dramatic issue. Now is the time to end all contact, take accountability, and move on with clarity.

You’re responsible for your own choices. If a man actually played these kinds of games with you, you’d likely feel disrespected — and rightfully so. The same applies here. It isn't right when either do it.

It’s time to stop leading him on. Be fair, be clear, and let go.