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Original poster

Don't think he's catching feelings

24 replies

feelingsnotdeveloping · 29/04/2025 18:36

I've been dating an ex colleague who I hadn't seen for years, but matched with OLD for 8 weeks (2 months) We're both mid 30s.

But I can't work out how things are going. He doesn't open up about how he feels and our conversations are more about what we've been up to, tv programmes, films, our day to day lives. We have had sex multiple times and we've both said we enjoyed it. He does compliment me in person and notices things about me and definitely listens to things I've said which I suppose is a good sign.

A few weeks ago, I told him I was having a wobble because I needed to know if I was wasting my time with him. He said I wasn't wasting my time, he likes me and is enjoying getting to know me properly. I said I felt the same and that it was still early so not expecting to be in a relationship yet. He then said he felt it all felt very 'new'.

When we are together, things feel fine, but when apart, I just feel our text conversations aren't getting deeper. Like he may tell me he had a lovely time, but doesn't say anything about how he feels about me. I just hoped he might open up more since our conversation the other week where I expressed concern that he doesn't talk about how he feels.

We have plans to spend the weekend together, so people are telling me he wouldn't want to make plans if he didn't like me. But I feel usually by now when dating, I feel more clear about where things are going. I'm worried because I definitely have feelings for this guy, but I'm not sure he has feelings for me.

OP posts:
MarkingBad · 29/04/2025 18:40

It's only been 8 weeks some people take an age to talk about anything deeper, 8 weeks is nothing.

But if it doesn't suit your style it's not your style you can leave for any reason you like

Yankeescot · 29/04/2025 18:53

I agree with above poster. 8 weeks is still very new. You're at the getting to know each other stage. I'd honestly be a little uncomfortable if someone wanted to have deep conversations about depth of feelings for each other at that early stage. Just enjoy getting to know each other for the time being. He wouldn't be having a weekend away with you if he didn't like you

TwistedWonder · 29/04/2025 19:06

Agree with PP - it’s 8 weeks and he’s very sensibly taking his time and not rushing in.

Just enjoy it and stop creating problems that don’t exist. You’ll end up pushing him away if you demand to know his feelings after a few weeks.

BumbleBeegu · 29/04/2025 19:11

Bloody hell OP…it’s been 8 WEEKS!! Chill the fuck out! You sound utterly insane!

ARainyNightInSoho · 29/04/2025 19:14

8 weeks is a very short time. Many people wouldn't be ready to share deeper feelings so quickly.

On the other hand, everyone is different and you obviously do feel the need for it. There's no right, wrong or 'normal' about something like that but if his approach makes you feel anxious or unhappy then he is the wrong person for you.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 29/04/2025 19:14

8 weeks - you are dating.

have you had an exclusive conversation ?

sounds like you are expecting a marriage conversation...

Dinosaurshoebox · 29/04/2025 19:15

It's far to early to expose your crazy.
Pull it right back or you'll give him the ick.

Sausagerollandchips · 29/04/2025 19:22

It won't get much deeper imo, some men are like this. I have one. Don't waste your time

waterrat · 29/04/2025 19:41

hmm. I'm with you OP - I think you can feel he isn't as into you as you are into him.

It's such a hard one Ive been there - as of course he can let you believe it might come in time. But when I''ve been with the 'right ' person - I knew before 8 weeks and I felt a real commitment to the relationship from them.

trust your instinct, don't let him string you along for sex and companionship.

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 29/04/2025 19:52

How deep do you want to get via text? This really doesn’t sound like a good way to communicate feelings and after only 8 weeks no one is realistically going to do that.
If you push him to do this you’ll sound weird. Chill out and get to know him in person. And dial down the desperation or he’ll be off.

Rosiestraws · 29/04/2025 19:55

waterrat · 29/04/2025 19:41

hmm. I'm with you OP - I think you can feel he isn't as into you as you are into him.

It's such a hard one Ive been there - as of course he can let you believe it might come in time. But when I''ve been with the 'right ' person - I knew before 8 weeks and I felt a real commitment to the relationship from them.

trust your instinct, don't let him string you along for sex and companionship.

I agree with this 100%. In every relationship I've had as an adult, by 8 weeks we were exclusive, had deleted the apps and definitely clear that we had feelings for each other. But then tbf I've never had sex with someone when it wasn't exclusive and I didn't see a future with them. Perhaps I've been lucky with the men I've met that it's been the same for them or maybe I've screened out the time wasters by not having sex early on.

What did you say you were both looking for on the app? Or in person if you've had that chat? Long term relationship? Or casual dates, or not sure?

OchreRaven · 29/04/2025 20:14

I think it’s positive he hasn’t love bombed you. It means you can trust if and when he does tell you he has feelings. But I would look at his actions not his words.

Does he make time for you and meet up when he says he will?

Does he seem interested in what you have to say and what is going on in your life?

If you are not feeling the ‘vibes’ then maybe your connection is just not that deep and he’s not the one for you?

You shouldn’t have to second guess whether he is into you but at the same time someone who is super keen after a short amount of time is also a red flag!

Greenartywitch · 29/04/2025 20:15

'Catching feelings' is such an annoying turn of phrase....

ticktickticktickBOOM · 29/04/2025 20:27

I agree. We aren't 5 years old.

Makes me think of someone sneezing.

ticktickticktickBOOM · 29/04/2025 20:28

In fact, if I dated someone in their mid thirties and they used the phrase 'catching feelings', I'd drop them them like a stone.

Could it be that OP?

HarpSnail · 29/04/2025 20:31

Honestly, at eight weeks, I’m still auditioning them, and expect them to be still auditioning me.

ScottBakula · 29/04/2025 20:32

I agree with @Yankeescot , if someone started to say they lived me st jyst 8 weeks into the relationship I'd be backing off.

I don't think you can be in love with someone untill you have got ti know the good and bad side of them .
At 8 weeks I am guessing you are both still on your best behaviour

Dery · 29/04/2025 21:24

“OchreRaven · Today 20:14

I think it’s positive he hasn’t love bombed you. It means you can trust if and when he does tell you he has feelings. But I would look at his actions not his words.
Does he make time for you and meet up when he says he will?
Does he seem interested in what you have to say and what is going on in your life?
If you are not feeling the ‘vibes’ then maybe your connection is just not that deep and he’s not the one for you?
You shouldn’t have to second guess whether he is into you but at the same time someone who is super keen after a short amount of time is also a red flag!”

@OchreRaven has nailed it. This with bells on! There are no guarantees, @feelingsnotdeveloping, but this all sounds pretty good so far and the surest way to see whether what you have can stay something good and become even better over time is to give it some time and space to evolve. Remember that men who are very good at saying the right thing have often got that way through practice on other women - his actions are a much surer guide than his words.

Blueplu · 30/04/2025 18:36

Disagree with everyone here 🤣 go with your gut. I think your gut is telling you something your instincts should be telling you

RaininSummer · 30/04/2025 18:39

Who had deep convos over text anyway? You sound too needy really. 8 weeks is just starting a relationship.

CosmicScouser · 30/04/2025 18:56

I'm another one voting for you to "trust your gut".

However, lemme ask you some questions...

Do you feel excited about where this could lead, based on what you've seen so far?

...do you think he feels excited about where this could lead?

What do you guess he would answer to that, if you asked him that question?

Is he on antidepressants?

Ecrire · 30/04/2025 18:58

Feelings are not viruses or airborne or waterborne diseases 🦠

I feel the same about “falling” pregnant.

Dweetfidilove · 30/04/2025 19:08

He doesn't need to have deep conversations ot declare his love at this point, but you will know when a man wants you.

If your gut is telling you he isn't into you (and you're not a fragile insecure person who needs to be lovebombed), listen to it.

Sassybooklover · 30/04/2025 19:28

8 weeks is a very new relationship. At this stage there's no need to put labels on your relationship. You like each other, clearly fancy each other if you're having sex, enjoy each others company and can talk to each other. Why not leave it at that for now? I'd be freaked out if someone I had barely started dating wanted to 'talk deeper' and 'wanted to know where we were going'. It's way too early in the relationship for those kind of conversations. You barely know each other. Slow down, and take the relationship for what it is at this moment in time. If you'd been together 6 months and hadn't had conversations regarding your future, then I might be more concerned but 8 weeks is nothing.

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