Should I believe him?

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My husband has been to the GUM clinic who have tested him for several things but have apparently said its likely herpes but probably type 1 which is usually associated with coldsores.

He is claiming it must have come from me during oral sex as I do get coldsores, however, id never give him oral sex with a coldsore, we don't even kiss when i have one. But he's said that I can shed the virus when I don't have a coldsore and he caught it that way.

Now we have been together for a decade. I have never cheated and I have never suspected him of cheating. I've trusted him completely and genuinely never had that worry.

When we first started dating he had his first flare up of genital warts and I accepted that we were early on in our relationship and we've just worked around it. He still has them a decade later.

When he told me about what the clinic said I got upset and obviously had to consider the possibility that he had cheated. I will never know because hes never going to tell me otherwise. But then he's now saying I am treating him like shit, which I haven't. I've barely seen him as we have both been at work. And he's saying I don't believe him and i didn't even give him a chance to accuse me of cheating and basically saying he's done nothing wrong so I have no right to be upset.

I just have no idea what to do.

I’ve been the person infected like this op.
DH (then BF) also didn’t have any active cold sores, but the flare up I suffered with initial infections was horrendous and they diagnosed me before they even took the swab or got the results back. I was only young, only one previous BF but had been celibate for 3 years before meeting DH.

However, if he is saying you are treating him awfully and jumping to accusing you thinking he’s cheating and saying he’s done nothing wrong, it sounds like he’s projecting and on the offensive a bit tbh.

I get cold sores around my mouth and when I do they’re bad. In the nearly thirty years with husband I’ve never transmitted them to him (by that I mean he’s never had any genital sores). Like you I’d never dream of even kissing whilst I have them. I understood the shedding stage to be lower with the oral type sore and that the initial outbreaks are worst and usually get a little less painful over time - can anyone else comment on whether this is accurate? It seems to be the case for my own oral sores. Thankfully I’ve managed to swerve getting them genitally too.

I would also be suspecting him of not being honest. Even when they lay dormant - surely the first outbreak is quite obvious and painful. I got oral herpes from my gran kissing me when I was about five years old and they started very quickly - like a few days - from her kissing me. I remember asking her what the thing was on her lips and she said it was just a spot and me being young I thought nothing of it. I was crying when the sores came out as they were all over my lips and went right up my nose - bad first outbreak.

Be vigilant about watching for symptoms yourself and at the first sign you go get checked out at a clinic. I don’t think they can check unless you have an outbreak - but medicine has improved over the years so not sure of this has now changed?

Based on what you’ve said, there is a chance he’s innocent. There’s also a chance he’s lying.
None of us can know so it’s a pretty pointless poll. We could all have a view on which is more likely but it won’t make it fact