Husband behaviour, is this normal?

[Aurora2022]

This is a bit embarrassing but I recently found a pair of my underwear in dh bedside table. He's obviously taken them from the laundry basket. I've put them back in the laundry to be washed. I haven't said anything to him as I can't explain how I feel. I feel very weird about it, is it an invasion of privacy?

You're right! But I said it anyway 🤣

Are they a nice pair of knickers, or just ordinary?

Well yes, this is what I thought. Still feel odd about it. Should he ask first?

I think the answer is a yes, he should ask first, but then how would that make you feel? How open about your sexual desires as a couple are you? How would you feel approaching him if you liked to masturbate rubbing his underwear against yourself?

Not sure all that many men want anyone to know what they do in private. I had a couple of bfs where they'd stay overnight and I'd be a pair of knickers short. Until they turned up in my washing basket a week later when another pair went missing for a short time. Neither man would have fitted into them.

I just left them to it.

Is it really that big a deal? It's just a pair of knickers. Does it matter that he didn't ask first? Would you feel the need to ask if you wanted to use his? You're married, surely this is not an issue.

I think you need to work on why you can’t speak about things he won’t like. Does he get to tell you things you won’t like freely? Are you walking on eggshells around him and censoring yourself in order to avoid him being angry?

First question you have to ask, is he using them or wearing them.

Exactly.. bits of pee, discharge, farts 🤣 men can be so gross.

I would feel the same as you OP, uncomfortable that he hadn’t ask for permission, although I am aware of how awkward that conversation would be. I’m not sure if just because you are married, that what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine applies. It does feel like an invasion of privacy but I can’t quite explain why…

Sounds like he enjoyed your scent while having solo time and forgot to put them back in the laundry.

Men can be feral when they are horny and do stuff that boggles the mind and quite frankly is disgusting! But communication is key. My H suggests some gross stuff sometimes and I politely decline but never make him feel bad for asking. We can laugh about it after the post-nut clarity and he often questions why he would want to do that as the thought repulses him after he’s finished.

My point being I don’t think he’s sitting there planning his next panty grab but when he’s in the mood his mind goes places his non aroused brain would never think of. I would personally let it go or maybe bring it up in a jokey way without judgement.

Well a ‘wank sock’ would have semen on it. Did the knickers have this, or was it just the knickers. If they did then it might not be as cringey as him doing it while inhaling the knickers, he could have just grabbed the first thing that was in the basket to clean up with.

Also I know we hate far fetched explanations here but do you have toddler DCs? Mine used to pick stuff out of places and put in others all the time.

That would make me chuckle if a toddler had unwittingly stitched up their dad!

See the normal human response to this is to go ask your husband not the internet.

Bit late to the party here.

this isn’t as bad as you think. Guys do this mainly in secret because of shame.

he like your scent and it clearly turns him on.

it’s a mild kink and could actually spice stuff up in the the bedroom.

im sure he would embrace any kink you have and maybe do the same.

if you don’t want to talk about it next time u have sex with him include your thong into the play.

it will blow his mind trust me.

my husband had a kink like this and I wasn’t sure at first then i started using it during sex and it elevated the sex to a new level.

hand them to him while you go down on him and thank me later.

no i leave my worn thong around for him to do as he pleases. I’m happy he loves every part of me and even how I smell

Why are you doubting yourself? He shouldn't be taking anything personal of yours without asking, less alone used underpants for sexual gratification - assuming that is what's going on. If he wants women's underwear to wear, masturbate to or whatever he should buy some of his own, not secretly steal yours.

Ask him and then decide how you feel about the answer. (personally I'd be revolted by all the possible options but according to all the 'cool' posters above I'm being prudish).

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean there is a presumption of consent, so it’s fair enough you don’t feel right. However, I can also see that he may think it’s not such a bad thing if you’re not aware of it and he feels ashamed. You do need to talk to him I think.

"Just because you’re married doesn’t mean there is a presumption of consent"

Yep.

Just because you're married and/or fucked thousands of times does NOT mean now anything goes. Boundaries are especially important in sex.

I would NOT consent to this, and would find it a violation if my H would do this secretly.

So you married a man who you can’t effectively communicate with?

I am a complete misandrist but this seems really pretty normal to me. He likes your smell and uses them in his private time.