Clare’s law - anyone with any experience

[BurpeesAllTheWay]

Has anyone done a Clare’s law application through the police before?

I have applied for one for a new guy I’m dating. The police have called me today and want me to go down to see me face to face for paperwork and to see my ID, is this standard procedure or do I need to be concerned about something they need to tell me?
If there is nothing to be concerned about would they need to see me for ID and paperwork etc?

Not been through this but everything I’ve read about this says that yes, there is a disclosure for them to make to you.

The police won’t be able to give you information without seeing your ID x

Simple solution would be to go see the police and find out.

Is there a reason you've made the request, or do you do it with all people you date?

This is the first relationship I’ve had since leaving an abusive relationship 3 years ago. I thought it sensible to do this so I don’t end up in a similar situation again

I'd be very surprised they would invite you in if they had nothing to disclose. Unless it's a very quiet day at a small police station in the countryside or something.

You say a new guy you are dating... A presumably there has already been red flags or you wouldn't be running a Claire's law. So why do you need to run one, when this is something new and there's ALREADY red flags?

Even little niggles should probably be reason enough to walk away in the first year. Take no chances.

Still, perhaps this will help you to learn to trust your gut in future.

Have you done lots of work on how to spot abuse between that last relationship and now?

Absolutely possible for abused people to end up falling back into another abusive relationship. But you've given yourself time and not jumped into anything so that's a good start!

A good lot of reading up and if possible, therapy, would be useful too though if you haven't.

You have to also learn to trust your instincts when they say something is up and feelings when they say something is not ok with you.

(Also, never tell new people of past abuse. The bad ones will take it as a green flag to stick their claws in).

It sounds like they've got something to report unfortunately.

I applied through Claire's Law. They just phoned me up.

It was very disorganised and haphazard to be honest. Different forces I believe do it different ways.

They told me over the phone all was ok but did give me information on the son. In fact they gave me his full name which I hadn't already known! Which I thought was wrong. Although obviously beneficial to me as I googled his name.

This was about 7 years ago.

They need to check your ID as it will need to be recorded on their system for record keeping.

They will check your ID and discuss the relationship with you to check you meet the criteria of the scheme.

Different forces do it different ways but the fact that they are meeting with you suggests that this person you are dating has a domestic abuse/violent history.

They asked me to email them my ID and had a long chat over the phone with me to find out about the relationship I had with him and why i had concerns. Only after that did they actually look into him and then called me back a few weeks later with the disclosure.

If you do a search for Claire's Law, there are some old posts on it.

Hope you are ok @BurpeesAllTheWay

I went down yesterday evening, they did only want to see my ID and fill out a form with more info to find out why I wanted the Clare’s law check to be done on him. They said they will get back to me in a few weeks, to let me know whether there was anything to tell me or not.
It does make me feel quite guilty doing this behind his back, knowing that I’m waiting to find out and if anything does come back that I’ll have to end the relationship.

Has there been any concerns in his behaviour or are you worried you are missing something? Even if comes up clean still be aware of red flags -

Trying to stop you seeing friends/family.
Dictating how you spend your time.
Wanting to know where you are/checking up on you.
Dictating what you should wear/how you look
Getting angry, swearing/being agressive
Touching you without consent or making you feel uncomfortable.
Not stopping something when you ask him too.
Making you feel guilty/bad to get his own way.
Controling money or making you pay for everything .
Pressuring you to be more committed in the relationship than you are comfortable with.

And many more. The difficult thing when you have been in an abusive relationship is recognising the low level abuse that is often the start of it. Take the relationship slowly, get to know him beyond the fun dating part and see what’s there. Don’t make any commitments until you feel comfortable and confident to do so. See how he is with his friends and family and when you are ready introduce him to your friends and family and see what they think. Recognise unhappiness, anxiety, if being with him creates these feelings he’s not the guy.
it’s easier to walk away early before you are too committed than keep going and hope it gets better.

Edit: post is moot, I didn’t realise you hadn’t done the initial ID and discussion part.

In my experience, if there’s nothing to report then they just give you a call.

Did you request one for a specific reason, or just because you feel it’s a good idea generally? Clare’s Law disclosures can cover some non-violent offences, episodes unrelated to DV and allegations that were NFAd, so almost everyone who feels the need to request one because they have concerns will end up being told something.

Do NOT feel guilty. You need to protect yourself especially if you’ve had a bad relationship in the past.
I hope it comes back all clear 😀