What did people who loved you do that helped you leave a bad relationship?

[walker1211]

I’d love to hear from anyone who’s managed to leave a damaging relationship, especially what those around you did that genuinely helped you make the change.

A close friend of mine is in a difficult relationship. It’s not my story to tell, but her partner is emotionally volatile and controlling. She walks a constant tightrope in her own eyes, doing everything she can to keep him from leaving or emotionally lashing out. It’s exhausting to witness, and while she believes it’s all her fault, those of us close to her can see how much it’s breaking her down.

We know we can’t fix it, but we love her deeply and want to support her in whatever way we can. For those of you who’ve been through something similar, what did the people who loved you do that actually helped?

Honestly what helped me was the visceral reactions of friends when I spoke to them. It wasn't until I saw their shock and horror that I realised my ex's behaviour was wrong. The first time someone mentioned they thought he was abusive I brushed it off. I didn't really understand what abuse was then. About 8 years later, it was raised again by different people and the penny finally dropped.

Thank you for being a caring and supportive friend. I'm so grateful to mine for listening, encouraging and showing me love at the worst times of my life.

Oh and someone recommended a book to me by Lundy Bancroft - Why Does He Do That? That also had a huge impact as this made me realise that he wasn't going to change (abusers very rarely do). I knew then I had to leave. To keep safe, I kept my copy at work.

My DD making me choose her or him. And she meant it. Thank fuck I chose her. But it really did come to that. Still took me a good year to realise what had happened. Still not really processed it (year 3 now).

Not the advice of the experts but there we are.

Agree with PP when I DID tell a couple of my colleagues small bits of it they were openly shocked and this actually helped me realise slightly how bad things had got.

Good luck 🍀