How do I protect my children in this?

[Wellthatsnotideal]

Hi,

First post so apologies for any MN errors.
My husband has a drink problem and I’ve just found out he uses cocaine.
I know I need to leave, for these and other reasons.
How do I protect my children in this? Youngest is 6. What do I do knowing he’ll have access and points where he is supposed to be responsible for them without me being around to protect them?

Thank you for any advice…

I’m sorry you are in this position. I would ensure you have hard evidence of his drug taking and alcohol problem, then report him to social services so you have an evidence base you can use in court to inly give him supervised access to the children

Sadly, unless there is evidence of abuse the drug and alcohol taking might not be enough. But I hope I’m wrong.

Are you willing to help him at all? Rehab, AA, therapy etc? Is he using around the dc?

Get evidence.

then see a solicitor to get a child arrangement order to stipulate what you feel is safe. I.e no overnight.

you may not get what you ask for BUT you get some peace knowing you have done everything you can to protect them. It’s tough. I am about half way through this process . It is going well , but only because I have very good black and white evidence. Good luck.

OP wants to leave him loveduppenguin and besides which a person cannot help someone like her H.

It is NOT the OPs job to help him i.e ending up enabling him further. That is his task and his alone. OP needs to put her own self along with her children now front and centre in their lives.

@AttilaTheMeerkat her words are “I know I need to leave” she never said she WANTED to. Alcoholism and drug problems an be helped if they want help. I’m just asking. If she WANTED too…

Are you definitely sure OP? What would drive your DH to do this?

Do you think that he would be at all bothered with his children going forward?. He’s in a relationship with drink and drugs and that his primary relationship.

Only Ops h can decide whether he wants help. It’s still not the ops job to signpost for him.

Thank you for the replies, they’re really helpful.
Yes, now, I want to leave. But only after several years of trying to find ways to help with the alcohol problem, now I’m done with being the one “always having a go”, regardless of how softly or supportively I word my concerns. I need to remove my children from a home where that is normalised along with the mornings spent in bed, mood swings, etc. I can’t even believe it’s got to this situation.
I would never want to prevent contact between the children and him but I wouldn’t trust him not to use around them (when they’re in bed, not in front of them), or to drive thinking he’s under the limit.
I have some evidence but I’m not sure how much would be needed or what would count as hard evidence and not my word against his.

This is really helpful, thank you, really appreciate this information 🙂