Old feelings re-ignited

[diseyw]

Today out of the blue I bumped in to a man I was seriously in love with 15 years ago. At that time I was still young free and single he was newly married and we worked together. Nothing ever really happened between us but there was a lot of flirting, lots of meaningful conversations, phone calls and strong chemistry. I am now also married with children and have often thought about him since we stopped working together when I left to have my first child. I have occasionally seen him around town but today is the first time I have spoken to him for a good couple of years. I still strongly felt my heart missing a beat, wobbly legs etc just as strong as ever. We only chatted for a few minutes as both had our children with us but not our partners. Cant get over the feelings I still have for him, feel like a love sick teenager. Have perfectly good relationship with my husband but still cant quite get over this man, am I being totally stupid?

Yes! But you know that.

Flirting and lust are totally different feelings from those you enjoy in a more settled relationship.

And you weren't seriously in love with him then, just in love with the idea of being in love. Don't throw away what you have now for a chimera of an idea.

A friend of mine used to recommend, go home and work your feelings out by pouncing on your DH!

MMM, well I would think that if this man showed you lots of interest and say made a pass you wouldn't feel quite so giddy. The situation would be a little more real and the risks far more blatant, enjoy the giggle but if you start thinking about taking things further get a little advice and counselling, take a long good look at your family and see if you'd like to break it all up.

You have my sympathy- it's not a nice place to be in. However,you have to ask if you were really ever in love with him- or just "in lust". Ask yourself if he will be spending time agonising over you- probably not- and that might give you some perspective. Maybe try just to look on it as something that was never meant to be.

Good luck- been there, got that T shirt- it's not nice, but it will pass.

he was newly married

...and flirting & phoning etc with you???...that tells you all you need to know about him quite frankly...his poor wife...put him out of your head and focus on the wonderful family you have now. you're in love with the idea of a new love affair, who isn't, can almost gurantee the reality would be a HUGE disappointment

disey - read and had to reply!

I have had lengthy threads of here lately about my situation which is more or less the same as yours...

Around Christmas last year I bumped into someone I had a brief fling with (but huge feelings for) almost 20 years ago! At the time I was a teenager, he was a few years older, he was engaged with a small baby so although I was totally infatuated with him I did the right thing and let him alone. He did try and see me for a while after but gradually I met someone else and we lost contact. I was very upset about this for years and years as I felt he was 'the one' and so on but at the same time could never have got involved knowing he had a family.

Anyway, when I bumped into him a few months, he was single, but I am married (happily) with 2 DC's. We couldn't believe we had met again and he admitted he had been searching for me on and off for years but I had changed name/left the area etc. We got chatting, swapped number and got close again. Then...I got totally obsessed with him again. I couldn't believe that after all this time I could finally have him if I wanted him. But I also knew I wasn't prepared to leave my marriage.

So..after much heart break on both sides I knew I couldn't see him again. He started to change, alternating between being lovely and then really nasty. I have seriously been through hell these past few months BUT in a way I don't regret it because after 20 years I finally feel I am getting over him. He is not this great person I thought he was, he is not 'the one'. My DH is. Now he won't leave me alone though. 21 text messages the other night. Thing is, I never promised him anything, he knew my situation from the beginning.

So, I'm hurt, DH is hurt (and he doesn't know everything), this man is hurt. I wish I'd never gone there. Yes, it was great to meet up with him again, get to hear about what he'd been doing and his children etc, but we really should have left it there.....

I don't think you're being stupid as I know exactly how you feel, but I doubt things would be as good as you expect them to be..they certainly weren't for me.

OP, you're having feelings for nothing more than an idea, something you've romanticised in your own head. Invest some of your romantic nature in your husband, and everyone will have a happy ending.

If he was newly married and still flirting with you, he was never going to be a good prospect. If you HAD gotten together then, it would have been at the expense of his new marriage, and you would have been constantly watching for his next flirtation.

Let him alone, look at your H and consider how lucky you were to land on your feet .

Thanks everyone for your advice, I have taken it all on board and will not pursue anything with him. I agree with rascalboys that I have been convinced for a long time that "he" was the one but reading your story I seriously now feel that no way would I throw away what I have to see if the grass is greener on the other side.

Rascalboys, I hope your situation improves and you get it sorted out, thanks very much for your warning.

I sometimes forget that all this happened 15 years ago, a long time really and my family and I have a good life, mostly free of complications and I certainly dont want to introduce any in to you lives.