Trapped in an affair

[YourLilacDeer]

Stupidly got involved in an affair 3 years ago - ended my marriage (it was inevitable anyway. not that this is an excuse) and was promised the world. I was in a M-F marriage, AP is in a F-F marriage. AP said marriage was also going to end, was just staying to see through fertility treatments due to the significant financial investment already made and there not really being time to start again due to her age. AP said partner was completely disinterested, was going along with it but AP would be effectively doing it alone and therefore us doing it together.
AP is now (early) pregnant - partner has been to every appt, is planning, excited, etc all the things that they should be. AP has moved from talking about 'us' having a baby to 'them' having a baby and I am...simply....broken.

My gut says I need to leave. I have tried - AP has said she can't do this without me etc so I am still stuck?
My heart is still all in and I want the future we've planned.

You have to move on. As you know underneath ..those two are going to make a go of it. Be brave and move on..you can do it. One door closes and another one will open. You'll be fine..

Jesus - that poor kid. Why the hell can't people keep their legs closed without bringing children into it?

AP has strung you along for long enough. I've been in an affair situation and if they want to leave, they will. Move on - I think you know that AP was probably always spinning a yarn.

So you and your affair were talking like she would leave her current partner (them) to have the baby with you? (Us) wow her poor partner! How unstable for the potential child and treating them like property if one interpreted this correctly. The F-F relationship makes no difference still in my view a huge issue with morals and values.

Walk away, like you should have done years ago.

The only trap is one of your own making.

Awful, 3 years of deceit.

Also your AP is a shitty person. Staying with her spouse due to the financial investment of fertility treatment only to ditch if she conceived.

That was a pretty big tell in how she’d treat you down the line….

My heart is still all in and I want the future we've planned.

She sounds like a complete shit. She's told you nothing but lies and is having a baby with someone else. You need to move on .

You are not stuck and that is horrible of her to string you along and then tell you she can’t have a baby with someone else without you. She sounds like a nasty piece of work.

AP wants the best of both. I don’t know whether to be impressed or appalled that women pull this shit too….

I feel sorry for all four people involved in this. It’s just pain for everyone.

The only way to move on is to move on. You can do it and you will feel better when you do, after a period of feeling like utter shite.

You’re all humans doing human things and having human emotions and urges. I don’t think there’s any value in feeling shame but you’ll waste your life if you don’t take a step forward and walk away.

you aren't trapped.

@YourLilacDeer - why are you all in? You know AP is a liar and a cheat - you know she’s profoundly untrustworthy - why do you think she wouldn’t lie to you? Why did you think you could trust her?

Was she your first same sex partner? If so, she may have a kind of first love significance for you that you don’t have for her. But most of us are not with our first loves. She sounds like a user and a complete mindfuck. You’re not trapped. You’re choosing to stay with her. But you owe it to yourself to find the strength to walk away.

There is no future with this person. The plans you made aren't real. They're part of the affair deceit. Just more lies.

Oh OP! I'm sorry but you need to cut her lose and leave her be. She's having a baby with her wife and I suspect playing you at the same time. There has clearly been a lot of deceit in all of this. If her marriage was ending, she wouldn't be going through the motions of fertility treatment.

Please save yourself anymore heartache and walk away! I know it will be hard for you to do so, but this isn't going to get any better and you deserve somebody better!

This situation is the definition of someone having their cake...