Grandparents will

[Bpat]

Good morning,

I am just looking for a bit of advice please. My Nan (last grandparent) passed away in February and we are currently dealing with her will. She has 2 children (both are getting 50% of the estate) 3 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren are all named in it for £1k each. My Dad and Auntie are now expecting my Husband and I to help decorate her house before they sell it. I don’t mind helping here and there but I am reluctant to give time, effort and potentially money to decorate a house we are not going to benefit from in any way. I don’t want to cause trouble or bad feeling over the whole thing but I don’t know how to explain our position. Both are going to get at least £80k from the estate.

Any advice you can offer would be really helpful, thanks.

Why would you be expected to pay for it?

Simply state we cannot do it we don't have the available spare time and leave it as that.

I help my parents to help them, not for financial gain. So I don’t mind mucking in for a weekend for whatever reason, to help them with a project.

If your Dad and Aunt want that sort of help, that’s a reasonable ask. Helping declutter, clean, touch up - it’s not a huge thing within a family.

If it’s to spend the next 8 weekends redoing an entire house, that’s something else.

If they want it decorating entirely, they could pay someone. Then reimburse themselves from the proceeds of the sale.

thats difficult.
could you proactively organize and offer two or three specific time slots where you and you husband can go and help and then be busy if they ask for any others. Might that allow you to control how much you do without them being able to make an issue of it.
i think I’d find a job that needed doing at my own home to keep my free time full.
dealing with people after bereavement & wills etc is always so fraught. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this

Are all the children and great grandchildren yours? If not are other parents being asked?

You will benefit because your parent will get more money that they can use to support themselves or possibly pass on to you.

Offer some time to help but no cash, unless they need a loan to do it.

I think it’s not quite right to say you won’t benefit, as eventually it will trickle down via your dad’s will.
I think I’m in the “help to help” camp, it must be an emotional job for them. That also gives you the freedom to help as much as suits you.

I help my parents out here and there regardless of if there is financial gain in it for me.

That said, I wouldn't help decorate a house, mainly because I am not physically capable of doing so, plus think it is fairly pointless. Just clear it and put it on the market. I would just say no, I can't, sorry. Not sure how you would be spending money on the effort?

My Dad has previous for saying he will ‘send the money over’ for things and it never arrives. We already spent money on a new doorbell she needed when she left hospital and never got the money back for it. We are not tight by any means but I don’t want people to take the mick either

How skilful are they and you at DIY?. If you’re not that skilled I’d leave the property as it is. Poor DIY tasks show. The new owners will redecorate to their own tastes.

Your dad has form for not returning money and so it’s likely to be the same this time around. Yet another reason for saying no.

I would rather spend money on getting the property cleared using house clearers.

Who are the executors, what help would they want from you and your dh. If they want the house decorated to help sell it then any money should come from the estate and be reimbursed, there's no point decorating unless it's really bad, people often prefer a realistic price for a renovation project, does it need much work. Who cleared the house and arranged everything after she died, I'd happily help.

As @Pagwatch said, tell them a couple of (limited) times when you can be available. Sunday 25th afternoon for example. You're young, with a young family OR with just you and your husband and a busy life.

IF they can't do most of it themselves, suggest getting a painter in. You don't need to do this. It isn't a care role for someone that you'd be unkind to avoid. It's literally redecoration.

No, we don’t have any children. My sister has a daughter (my Nans great grandchild).

No, other grandchildren will not be asked to help. My Dad definitely does not need the money. As I say we are happy to help here and there, we already have, but I know it will turn into us being expected to be up there all the time.

Just say you don't have time and it will be better if they get someone in to do it so that they can sell the house quickly.

If your family is basically a good one, then helping clear out GP's possessions is fine. Just give whatever time you can genuinely spare to it and be clear from the start that you can only manage two hours on Tuesday night plus Sunday afternoon or whatever.

If they are expecting you to spend money then say no.

If they are expecting you to do work purely to increase the sale value, then say no. Any time spent on that should be spent by those who will receive the money from the sale, or the estate pays to hire a decorator to do it.

"Sorry, no spare time. Shall I find you some local decorators numbers to call?"

Give him the number of a decorator.

A lot of posters here are presuming that OP will definitely benefit in some way from this inheritance going to her dad. From experience, that's not necessarily the case at all. My gran passed when I was in my late teens, her estate was split between her children. I didn't get a penny of financial support from my DM when I was at university a year later, despite her gaining a good £50K from the house sale. And I did spend some of my school holiday time as a teen helping with the clearout of the house too, but then I was a kid so I did as I was told!

OP, just say that you don't have time, or that you'll chip in occasionally, but certain don't hand over any money towards the decorating. Particularly if you know your dad has form for not paying things back or giving you financial help. It's not your inheritance so not your responsibility.

"No, we won't be decorating Nan's house. If you feel that the value of it will be increased by redecorating it, I suggest that you take money out of Nan's estate to cover the cost of getting a professional in"

This here.

Sell it as it is ,people buying it will decorate

Time is literally money in this instance. They are asking you to commit labour to increase the value of their asset.

They could sell as is or pay a decorator.

It would be a pleasant but firm 'no' from me.