Questioning my sexuality in my 40s

[AndItsRowUponRow]

I've always thought of myself as more or less straight, assuming that if I was gay/bi I would have figured it out by now. I've never had many relationships, and have been comfortably single for many years. I don't feel romantic/sexual attraction to people very often, and would probably say demisexual fits me. I am hopeless at dating - I felt so awkward, and years ago I just gave up.

I was watching the series A League of Their Own and one of the female characters is so magnetically attractive it is making me question myself, and remembera couple of crushes I've had on actual people. Has anyone else had something like that? I wish there was a definitive test - something like a lateral flow... Wouldn't make much difference I suppose - I'd be just as single no matter who I was attracted to! Just trying to figure myself out and failing.

I was in my mid 30s when l discovered by bi side when working away from home. It took me quite by surprise. 40s now snd l simply regard myself as “sexual”, no prefix required. Looking back at my younger years everything started to add up.

It’s possible that you just have a crush on this occasion. But maybe there’s more! Just enjoy being you. 🌈

Does it really matter what label you put on yourself?

As a gay woman who's always known she was queer but came out as gay in mid-twenties, I'd say thus is very normal. Sometimes it happens when we learn more aboht ourselves due to a lifestyle change, which seems to have been what happened for you. I'm in a few gay female social groups and many of them are similar to you.

I think the “definitive test” is a few good snogs. Do you want to date?

Thank you all for replying, this has been on my mind a lot.

@LillyPJ It isn't so much about putting a label, it's trying to understand myself. I have always thought that as I'm so bad at relationships/sex it must be me, but maybe I've been testing the wrong things!

If I found someone in real life I was attracted to I would definitely not object to a few snogs to test things out, but I have always been really bad at picking up signals and dating. Basically I think I'll be open to something but accept it us unlikely to actually happen 😂

Just wondered whether anyone else had a similar revelation in life...

Bit late for replying but I am in a similar situation at the moment , how did you move forward? Have you accepted those feeling and do you feel ready to see what happens ?

When at Uni I had a crush/fling with another girl. Then straight relationships till divorce 3yrs ago, I am 40+. But always at the back of my mind to hook up with a woman.
Over the weekend I had a date but no sexual contact. I want another date but Not sure I can make the leap. I wish I could be light hearted and casual about it.

I know this is fairly old Thread but I am wondering if anyone was successful and made a new relationship with a woman or even dated.

Not that old - only a couple of months!

I haven't done anything about it, but I haven't made any attempts at dating anyone for years and think it is highly unlikely to happen in the short to medium term. I do regret not being a bit more open to experimenting as a student, but I never really got the hang of flirting/dating...

This sounds a bit like me. I had sex with a female friend about twenty years ago, which was amazing even though we were both very drunk. I completely over thought it afterwards rather than just appreciating it as a lovely experience and have been in relationships with men since, which have never ended well. I'm single now and it's definitely something Id like to explore further, though not sure about dating apps as no one knows how I feel.

My update; We did have another date, we spent most of Saturday together. For her family reasons she did not stay the night. But it is planned for another night.
We met via mutual friends. I have been quite open when asked about 'am I dating'? I say no, and then explain that I have been so disappointed in men, that I want a woman for a date. Often friends know someone who has expressed similar feelings; we are not total rarities. Perhaps it's our age group 40-50+.
If you keep your interests or ambitions secret it is not surprising that one doesn't meet like minded people. We cannot be passive and hope. We have to be a little more active. Just starting simple conversations, one thing leads to another.
For me it is the friendship and companionship that is the main course, sex is the dessert.