Hi, I'm looking for some advice and opinions. This is a long complex story, but here goes. My husband (37) and I (40) have been together for 12 years, married for 10. We have 2 daughters, 6 & 8. We have always had a great relationship. It's always been easy, but I feel like he's changed and become much more selfish this last year. When my eldest was only about 2, he got made redundant from his stable ok paid job. I worked part time after my daughter was born because i needed and wanted to be home for her and we made enough money to survive, not thrive, but survive. After that he bounced around a few jobs he didn't particularly like, or particularly make enough money from. So we decided, In order for us to make more money i should go full time again, once both children were at school and nursery, but in order for me to go full time at work, he would have to work at my place and we would work opposite shifts. We don't have any parents to help us with the kids, so solely rely on ourselves. I explained to him beforehand it would be for the longhaul because it would not work if we worked at different places. He agreed and was happy with the situation. In becoming full time I also was given the role of assistant manager. After some time, he too became an assistant manager in a different department. We were earning more than we'd ever earned before and were finally able to take our children on their first holiday abroad. Eventually, he was having ideas about leaving the job and I told him I couldn't see it working and I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want to be a controlling wife, so I ultimately left the decision to him. He found a job that he thought would work, but i would have to mostly work early shifts. He would be on more money than he was on before, so he handed in his notice. I quickly realised that the new manager that took over the day he handed in his notice would not allow me to continue in my role as assistant manager and I'd have to drop down to staff, due to flexibility issues. Once realising this he tried to retract his notice and they refused. So he had to start the new job. Upon starting the new job he realised he was working more hours than anticipated and was hardly ever seeing me or the kids. So he found a new job with his friend, which was more money than the previous job. Only thing is I couldn't work at my place of work as he would be out early in the morning until anything from 3pm to 6pm, leaving me having to work school hours. So I got a job delivering parcels. Problem is upon, this change we find our financial situation is worse off. Now to the issues. The guys that he works with, except his friend are total wasters, smoking weed everyday and taking drugs all weekend. Due to our financial situation he would occasionally work at a takeaway delivering for them in am evening. Suddenly, he seemed to be working there more and more and not seeing me or the kids as much again. I could feel there was something not right about this and looked on his phone. I found messages to one of his colleagues asking to buy weed. £100 in a month. £100 we need. £100 that could have been spent on the kids. I have always been clear from the start of our relationship I will not put up with lies and deception. Lie to me even once, and I will never trust you. He also knows I don't like drugs. I know he used to smoke it when he was younger before he met me, and had the odd drag from friends once in a bluemoon. He has never been a regular weed smoker, nor has he bought it while we've been together. I confronted him and he acted like a teenager that had just befn caught out. He refuses to stop, but he said he will cut down. I have him an ultimatum, stop or were done. I do not want a weed smoker as a partner. This sparked a huge row and the job situation came up because I hold resentment to him for losing my position as assistant manager. I've come to the realisation that I have an inferiority complex and that job was the one thing I had that I could feel proud I'd worked hard for. It may not seem much to others, but for me who has never been the smartest or most confident it was something I could feel good about. We are at a crossroads and I don't know what to do, trust and respect has gone for me and he clearly doesn't respect me. I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want a weed smoker or someone who would lie to me. I am looking into marriage councilling, but will take weeks on nhs, we need help now.