Dealing with a narcissist ex

[Silentwhisper93]

Hello all. I’m just looking for some advice dealing with a narcissist ex who is my daughter’s dad. I’m just at the end of my tether with him. When we were together he was emotionally and mentally abusive. Creating scenarios in his head and making me admit to them, calling me terrible names and telling me I’m a terrible mother for going to work etc. Meanwhile he never worked and drained all the money out of me. I finally plucked up the courage and left and it just didn’t stop he’d harass me with phone calls and texts etc, it has quietened down now but he’s still making things so infuriating. He has my daughter every other weekend but she’s unable to stay due to him living in shared accommodation but I agree to meet half way where I know there’s a direct bus for him. He often cancels and has no money and asks me to drop our daughter off at his and collect which is a long trips for me as even half way is a lot closer to him then it is me! The reason why I refuse is because he demands and swears as me. He’s even said I’m lying that he’s her dad! I receive no financial support from him, I take her to school, extra activities and drive to work and try save where I can and simply cannot afford the extra petrol. I pay for absolutely everything whilst he can’t be bothered getting a job. I have a wonderful partner who the ex often slanders in front of our daughter and it really upsets her. We are going to court next month so I’m hoping to get some sort of resolution. Does anyone have any experience with dealing with an ex like this and how to cope? There’s a lot more I could say he’s done but I’d need to write a book! I’m at my wits end and feel like he’ll never ever stop. Sorry for the rant I just want hope it’ll get better

Sorry you are dealing with this.

Firstly, you stick to the arrangement. If he can't meet half way, then he doesn't see his daughter. Secondly, get on one of those co parenting apps. Every communication is saved and monitored. Then block him communicating with you on the phone and by text.

You do not have to tolerate any abuse from him for the sake of his contact with his daughter. You has to learn to be nice or there will be consequences.

@Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk I didn’t realise there was apps for communication thank you for that! I agree I shouldn’t have to go through this all the time, it’s exhausting

Been here it's horrendous...have you gone on any support sites ? There is a lot of information and coping strategies available through sites like Quora ( I thought it was only me and a rare occurrence) it's not.
Research and follow the advice it's amazing how a few tweaks in how you respond or don't in some scenarios can change 'the game' ..it's a long haul but keep stepping forward he thinks he is still controlling you and by chopping and changing he gets a response that needs to stop on your side ....no more delivering your child or fixing his problems ...that's his responsibility....put strong boundaries in place and learn to grey rock ..all very effective.....minimal answers I got down to one word ..... OK or interesting that caused all sorts of confusion but was also the start of the end. No more rising to the bait.
Unless someone has been in this type of relationship they cannot imagine the depths of the lies/problems/harassment and stress that you live through.
This ends when YOU decide and change your responses/actions. I know the fear of more chaos is why you appease him but it doesn't work. Do the research get online learn to respond differently and it will become easier.
Breathe .... feel free to message ..there is freedom on the horizon. Big hugs

The best thing you can do for your child is seek an experienced top therapist to teach you how to manage your stress.

More importantly, to heal yourself so you do not pass on psychological difficulties and challenges you still struggle with, you cannot help your child effectively until you heal yourself.

Thank you so much all your replies have been really helpful, it’s time to make a change!