I'm a single mum of one wonderful, well rounded child. I'm 31, work full time in a job I love, providing emotional support and guidance to teens on the spectrum in a specialist setting. I rent our home and due to anxiety and trauma, I don't drive. I've done lots of work in therapy around this however, it's something I've not managed to overcome.
I separated from my sons dad 6 years ago, have dated and entered a relationship 3 years later however, he had some deep rooted issues he wasn't wanting to work on and so it couldn't continue. There have been other brief encounters however, nothing of substance. I've worked a lot on myself after breaking up with my ex partner, done a lot of inner work to overcome anxiety etc, I've developed more confidence and coping mechanisms. I love meditation and do it frequently.
Yesterday, for the first time in 5 months, I went on a date with someone I've been messaging for nearly 2 weeks. We spoke on the phone the night before and he made a couple of references to my accent being strong (I'm welsh), nobody has ever said this before and I laughed it off. There was a silence during the call which he commented on. He commented on my use of big words, as he called it and said I use them frequently. We spoke for a little while and ended the call, saying he was looking forward to seeing me tomorrow.
The day came, we exchanged brief messages, he made a comment about me applying makeup with a trowel (I wear very little makeup), and he'd see me later. I thought this was odd and rude but, whatever. He arrived half hour late, I made no comment on it and off we went. General chit chat etc was fine, he asked why I don't drive and I just said I have anxiety that I haven't been able to manage, I didn't want to trauma dump on first meet and left it at that. He poked fun but I laughed it off. We get to the destination and we're walking through town, I accidentally bumped into him a bit trying to move out of a couple's way with their dog. He mad e a comment about walking in a straight line or I'd be walking home.
Moving on, conversation got going and he again pulled me up for having an extended vocabulary, I wasn't in my mind using fancy words but I apologised. He then said that when he commented on my accent, it's because he thought I sounded common. I didn't really expect this and just nodded and dismissed it. He asked about my anxiety, saying he has it too. I asked if that's why he has a lot of sarcastic banter, as he said he'd been nervous. He said he isn't sarcastic, I didn't carry the conversation on.
He referenced money quite a lot, something I'm not rich in but certainly not lacking, I'm very self sufficient and independent in this aspect. He made comments about selling his home and purchasing a bigger one, which seemed odd to me, as he only has one 17 year old daughter. He went on about his parents having a lot of financial security etc. I stated I was financially secure but don't put huge amounts of emphasis on this, as long as someone is able to work and support their family, I've no real opinion on other people's finances.
We spoke about where our families were from, his parents were from similar areas to my parents growing up. We then began talking to an older couple, who actually grew up a few streets away from my dad. They were really lovely and I really enjoyed their conversation. He was a little quieter and didn't engage as much. They left and I said how nice they were, he then passed a comment about the area they were from, as if it were beneath him. I found this peculiar, as his parents were from similar areas.
The rest of the time was him having subtle digs and jokes about me, while talking about things that were factually wrong. I didn't correct him. We had a couple of laughs along the way, but I really sat there feeling deflated. He continued to count any silence we encountered for the rest of the time. I then said maybe we should head home, as time was ticking on. We'd been out three hours and I really was done. I did consider just getting the train home, as it's 15 minutes from where we live however, I didn't want to seem rude.
We left and by the car journey home, I didn't have it in me to continue any conversation. He made a little more effort and we got on a bit better. We'd originally planned to go out again today however, he made it clear that wouldn't be happening, which I was quite ok with. It was a shame however, because we got on so well over messages. It just seemed as the day arrived, a more condescending version of him came out. He wished me well as I got out and drove off.
He messaged me waffling on about a Chinese when he got home, I responded and he didn't reply. I messaged a little while later saying I'm obviously not what he was looking for and I'll respect that, politely saying we could remain friends if he wishes to and thanked him for the afternoon, he responded 4 hours later saying he'd like to be friends.
I know I've gone on here, but is this what's left out there? I'm a lower citizen because I don't drive, so am below him and deserve to be spoken to so rudely? I'd love to meet someone to share my time with when my son is in his dads house, do things with and share interests without being called a 'witch' or 'demon worshipper', or referred to as rough. I've been left feeling really bad about myself and really concerned that the only men left are arrogant or have drug/alcohol issues. Please share some positive relationship experiences and make me feel like I shouldn't give up hope just yet.