To start with me, I am a disabled veteran. I have been taking care of my mother since I got out of the military in 2012 and my nephew was 14 in 2014 and was removed from his mother and placed in my custody. These are predetermined factors in my life before any children and before any relationship.
So I have been with the father of my second child for going on 8 years. When we started dating I had one previous son age 2 (his father is in another state and told me to get a miscarriage - I told him to sign over his rights and he never has to hear from us again. He refused to sign anything so he is now on child support) and his mother took on his ex girlfriends child age 4 (not my fiances child) as his god mother and put the blame on my other half stating he was his son. My other is significantly younger than i am (7 years). So when his mother took on this responsibilty my fiance was 16 (not old enough to make a grown-up decision on his own and was relying on the guidance of his mother). He was someone I worked a hotel with but our relationship started one Halloween when my boy was scrolling through my phone and added him on Facebook. It was just supposed to be fun however after some time together he ended up getting arrested (less then 2 hours in holding) for some smoke (420) I had in my car the in January (so 3 months). Since it was mine and he claimed it I felt responsible for the repercussions that came from those events. I paid for his attorney I paid his fees I took him to court, drug tests, etc. before the whole legal mess was over I ended up getting pregnant in July and miscarried in September.
We continue to mess around and by this point he had moved in not by an ask just gradually bringing his stuff over. In January, I found out I was pregnant again and he proposed on Valentine’s Day. I guess you could say that somewhere in between the legal and grief it became an official relationship instead of a situation. In March of 2019 I started renting a house and allowed him to stay there as well so approximately a year and a half after we started fooling around. I offered for “son” to come and stay with us, however he never did. My fiancé claimed that my mother put hands on this strangers child (which my mother would never do because she has never hit me or any of my six siblings nor my ). I will admit my mother is a bitch that is her personality and she will admit it to you. I was working double jobs during the day and overnight trying to grow a healthy baby and raise a child. I was still pregnant and exhausted at this time and we fought regularly. I would always ask him to leave being as though everything has always been in my name and he just picks with me. I wasn’t asking him to leave so we could break up or because I was kicking him out. It would be so we can both regain our composure. He would never leave so the arguments would turn into altercations where he would throw a frying pan at me while I’m pregnant or a shoe at my face or push me because he didn’t like me being so close to him. I come from abusive relationships so this is not something I wanted. Due to me being pregnant and my child from my previous relationship already accepting him as his father figure I remained. My second son was born in August. I advised my fiancé that he would needed to get a license so he could drive too with daycare elementary two employed people in the house. He finally learned how to drive but still to this day. He is unlicensed. This is one of our constant fights.
While working an overnight we got in an argument his mom was sleeping at my home to watch my colic stricken baby. He told his mom to take the baby and leave and she obliged. I called the cops for kidnapping and she returned. He claimed that even if we are unhappy we will remain together because he knows I will leave the state with him like I had done to my first baby daddy.
For my son’s 1st birthday my fiance and I decided we didn’t need to have a 1 birthday. His mother and sister decided we were wrong and had a birthday party for him and didn’t invite me and he didn’t tell me even though he was aware.
When Covid struck the hospitality industry obviously was not profitable so neither of us were working. I found a call center job that was work from home so I did not continue in hospitality. I ended up being really good at this and worked my way up the ladder which I have done previously in the military in hospitality, etc.. This is not to discredit him as he does work, but I am the breadwinner. All bills are in my name the house the vehicle the insurance even though he is entitled to use these amenities. When I was promoted to an operations manager of the call center I was working at. I advised my fiancé that if he wanted to stay home with the children while I worked, I would be OK with it as long as he continued to support his smoke addict addiction (420). This was still in 2020.
Fast-forward to September 2021 I am still an operations manager, and he is still working in the same hotel that he refuses to leave because his father is his boss so it’s an easy job. Ii bought a house for my children to grow up in. In my name he is not on the bills lease ect. I had just gotten off of a 12 hour shift and we were dropping our two year-old off at one school and my six-year-old off at another. I had not gotten any sleep after both of the children got out of the car so I advised him to drive because I was not the safe option. Less than a mile away from dropping off my six-year-old, he wrecked the car. Wasn’t my fault for letting him drive yes. Two years later I get sued my insurance goes up etc. etc. so instead of paying $200 I pay $600. He is not contributing to the household still but claims that he will pay for his negligence and the overage on my car insurance. (2025 I still haven’t seen a penny.).
We are now in 2023 our arguments remain the same, but we add on the fact that his family doesn’t like me based off of every time we’ve argued he has to tell his mother who is a gossip. So all of his family treats me very poorly. His mother even went as far as calling me a liar to my face. I didn’t yell at her. I didn’t scream at her. I decided to take the high road and tell my husband fiancé. Instead of him ever being on my side he took up for his mother and said I was in the wrong. This is a constant struggle to say the least!
We are now in 2025. The cost of living is through the roof. I am still very high leveled in a call center, and still the breadwinner but with higher insurances. I still pay for height and insurance costs and every bill in my household. We are not intimate. The only time he touches me is when he wants some so I am repulsed by him, smacking my butt or trying to give me a back massage. I tried to talk to him about these complaints on Monday and nothing has been resolved nor discussed we yelled he called me a bitch, a terrible mother, a piece of shit, a liar, a cheater, a whore as I expressed my concerns. I asked him to go to his mom’s house on Monday after work because I did not want to be in the same general vicinity as him. He decided to walk to my house 3 hours 26 miles away.
Another of our other fights, stem from my mother and nephew, still living in my house but providing compensation to contribute to the household.
If you’ve made it this far could someone please tell me that this is normal for eight years? Or tell me to run for the hills! Some friendly advice on how to get him out of my house would be helpful too! And if I’m wrong, I accept that feedback as well!