Is the is a relationship?

[HUser456]

Been with a guy for 9 months 45M 42F he claims he wants and thinks we're in a relationship

But he only arranges to see me the day/couple of days before (so rarely forward plans, always adhoc and last minute). And maybe once/twice a week.
And only when he's free, after he's sorted all his other commitments, social life etc.
He texts daily but sporadically
And says when he's only focused on my when he's with me.
I argue this is clearly dating?
I'm interested in other people's view on this...!

You are not disagreeing with each other: he ‘accuses you of wanting to ‘live in that bubble all the time’. You would indeed like to be in a real relationship with him

you just want different things. Sorry.

I got rid of one just like this recently…he would only make plans on the day/day before. He is fully retired…I’m still working as a deputy head in a school (so my time is much more limited).

It was infuriating in the end, as he was ‘oh so busy’ with random stuff (and I do mean random…cutting the lawn, popping into the city on the train for a ‘bimble’) which meant he couldn’t see me at the weekend (my ONLY time off!)

I did often ask why he couldn’t do this random stuff Mon-Fri (when he honestly did very little!) and he didn’t really have an answer…just ‘I’ve always had this routine…from when I worked’ 🤦‍♀️

I lost the will in the end and sacked him off.

I don’t think either of you is in the wrong, you just want different things from a relationship.

I’m very much like the guy in question - I like to maintain my independence and very much ‘have a life’ outside a relationship. Meeting once or twice a week, as you’re doing, is plenty for me! Any more and I would honestly get relationship burnout.

It’s on his terms.
Honestly you’re not compatible.
You really should end this. Leopard’s don’t change their spots.