Confused!!

[SingleRoo123]

Hi!
Here to talk about Tinder and how men confuse the very life out of me. So joined Tinder abut a month ago. Matched with quite a few guys, spoke to them and then matched with one that I really liked. Conversation was flowing, good banter, we were both on the same page with what we wanted.m, I told him about my past disastrous relationship and he chatted about it and how he is happy I left and know my worth. He asked me out for a drink but I couldn’t go as it was too short notice and I had plans. He said that was no problem and he was very keen to meet another time. Banter still good, conversation good, then the messages slowed down. He said he was busy at work, to be fair his job is quite labour intense and involves a lot of travelling. He gave me his number, he asked me to message him so he could save my number. I texted him but no reply. It was definitely the correct number as he showed up in my WhatsApp list with his photo. I left it a couple of days then asked if he wanted to meet…nothing. Messaged him on Tinder…nothing. He hasn’t unmatched me. How can someone be so keen and then just not bother their arse? Is this what I should expect from dating apps? I am honestly so confused…am I naive? Is dating this brutal? 🥴

Loads of married/attached men get their kicks by flirting online, but have no intention of meeting up or taking it further. In fact I would reckon it’s a very high percentage of men on dating platforms. I once went on an online date, but nothing happened, there was no chemistry on my part. The next morning his wife phoned me in hysterics. I had no idea she existed! I thank god I didn’t fancy him and it hadn’t gone any further. Not that that’s any consolation to his poor wife.

He’s either met someone else online or he’s not single. Men like the thrill of the chase. They don’t all want to date. Move on and don’t reply if he comes back when it gets less exciting with someone else and he does the same to her. If he was interested he’d still be in contact.

Oh god that is awful. Poor woman and poor you having to deal with that. What an absolute shit. I just don’t know why he would even give me his number, why not just unmatch or say sorry I don’t want to give you my number just yet. So weird.

I know they aren’t all the same but I’m not having great experiences with men recently. My faith is dwindling slowly but surely. Maybe I’m not cut out for this dating carry on 😆

Same here! But you’ve got to be resilient, and don’t keep allowing men who give you minimum contact or investment to occupy your time or headspace.
The apps are just meant to be there for the initial contact and to see if there could be mutual interest. Move it into real life contact quickly (and safely) instead of getting invested in someone you’ve never met. Best of luck!

Might've met someone else in the meantime or just lost interest if it's all chat and no opportunity to meet. I'd suggest short chat then a day to meet, no opening up to someone you've never met. It's no big deal, these chats easily lose momentum.

He asked me out last weekend but I had other plans but then mid week I asked if he wanted to go out tonight and nothing. Surely these men can’t just expect you to drop everything…can they?!

I think that’s just a potential sign that he is not actually ‘free and single’ unfortunately. They make impromptu short notice date invites because they have to shoehorn in their opportunities around their existing life which most women can’t generally do but when the women give proper advance notice it’s all quiet on the western front! 😅. I think he saved your number potentially as back up FWB type of hook up 😑

If that is the case then he is an absolute prick. Honestly, I seem to have a knack of picking the absolute wasters 🥴

Chat to a few men, arrange to meet for a coffee to see if there's mutual interest and take it from there.

Don't get too invested or chat a lot to start with.

This. The online "banter" is pretty meaningless until you meet.

Definitely don't think you did anything wrong, if you are busy you're busy

but "if" you can be open to quickly meeting physically it can be helpful.

Say within a week.

You don't need to have a full date vibe (no dinners or anywhere you have to dress up or commute)

Have a cute casual outfit ready to go, and just be ready to pop out for a coffee or 1-2 drinks.

Even a city centre or train station Costa Coffee is fine. Obviously don't agree to a last minute cocktail or bar meet at 11pm at night!

A lot of these meets will be duds but it's much easier to screen and see if there is a connection or not.

In the past, I've had a few perfect matches on Tinder, fine on paper, chatted too long...one meet and its "ok" but there's nothing there.

Well no but if someone else was free that night he suggested, or the next, then that date may have really gone well. It's usual to have a couple of chats ongoing at once.

People on here always go 'he's married' but you don't know that and there's no point assuming people are up to no good.

Quick chat, set a date and go from there. Not on the night itself necessarily but I wouldn't get into exes etc until you've met. Plenty of men are the opposite and will lasted hours of your time gassing away before you know it's going anywhere.

It is so hard op but you have to have ZERO expectations until you have met - people are unfortunately flirting/ chatting with several people at a time so can vanish at any point if a date goes well.

it sucks.

It’s such a minefield isn’t it?! I honestly don’t know where I would find the time to meet straight away. I’ve got to plan things at least a week in advance 😂 I work full time, single parent, limited childcare, weekends are spent with my daughter…maybe I am destined to spend my life alone just working and being a Mum 😳😬

Disagree - like women, men will chat and match with multiple people. They could have 3, 4 or even 7 they are chatting to. Then if they meet with a few thats evenings taken care of. There was probably another woman or 2 that matched better. Once it got to 2 dates I would then stop any other activity to see how this went. But would always message and say thanks but nor for me

For some people - being online is a license to lie, cheat, ghost. There’s decent people out there, don’t give up, but there’s a lot who are not what they make themselves out to be. So he either had someone else all along or he found someone else now - my advice would be to block and delete now, just to avoid getting sucked back in as and when he wants. Keep going but - be careful. It can take a while to flush out the dodgy ones….

it's a dating app, you are not the only one, maybe someone else was available and he went with it and ghosted you

Some people just treat OLD as their own personal Argos catalogue I think. They might like the look of you, but some never get off their arse and go into the shop! That could be for a myriad of reasons, but definitely why you should never invest emotionally in someone until you have met them a few times - I like your attitude towards this though, if he can't meet you halfway in terms of your lifestyle and commitments then no point continuing to be fair. You aren't destined to be alone, there is definitely someone out there who thinks that a weeks' notice for a date is perfectly reasonable. Onwards and upwards!

I agree with this. You do often end up talking to a few people at a time on apps. I am really picky with swiping but still might end up in a few conversations with guys I like at a time. I am often looking for a date on a specific night so if that goes well I won’t usually continue talking to other guys afterwards.

There’s no great commitment from talking to someone in tinder and offering a date. You just need not to get invested until you have met someone in person.

Tinder is not known for good experiences with OLD.

Perhaps try another site.