All my fault.
Been with DP for 7 years. We live separately due to respective DCs and space. Were meant to be moving in together this year but this has brought issues to a head and last night we had a fight and I think we're over.
DP is a truly good man and I really do love him. He's kind, caring, loyal, generous, reliable and so so funny. But also not financially sorted (earns well but doesn't own a home. Minimal savings). Not proactive. Happy to just plod along.
I had a mirena fitted 6 months ago after 18 months of near constant bleeding. It hasn't helped and I am pretty much constantly bleeding and in pain and so we've had zero sex life for 2 years. Psychologically I'm wrecked.
Sex has always been an issue as we've never had as much as I would like and was used to in previous relationship which has left me in permanent state of feeling undesired/undesirable which has ruined my self esteem. I find myself feeling envious of other people's relationships esp re: physical affection. I feel like we're basically just mates who eat dinner together and watch netflix.
Underlying all of this for me is a truckload of childhood trauma, no support network, probable undiagnosed adhd, a v stressful job and a propensity to drink too much on weekend nights out when I don't have my DC and I'm basically a mess. I'm just white knuckling my way through life.
I know what I need to do. Regroup, quit drinking and be on my own. I have a gynae appt next month to discuss next steps.
On the bright side I have my own home and there are no joint finances to unravel (no joint anything tbh which after 7 years I find quite sad.) so my kids won't be impacted in any practical way (but will miss DP as they love him).
Tell me it will all be ok please. I'm in bed in tears 😟