Is it kinder to walk away for us both

[Bloof634]

Been with my husband 10+ years, married no children, now in early/mid 30s.
We are currently undergoing Uunexplained Infertility at the hospital., i however have a severe phobia of hospitals, needles and surgeries and am trying to decide if seeking treatment (ivf) is something i feel like im capable of.
Recently Went on holiday to try and relax because real stress of Infertility coupled with losing some family members due to cancer around the same time. I fell asleep on a daytrip at I wasnt feeling well, awoke with blistering severe sunburns I had to seek hospital attention for, and Im devastated he didn't help. I am extremely pale skin with a family of skin cancer in my family.
Im worried I'll fall out of love, starting to resent him, he can't make a mum, didn't look after me, is it kinder to walk away at this stage for us both? :(

The fact he left you to get severely sun burnt would be enough for me to consider leaving him. I assume this isn’t the first time his behaviour made it clear that he doesn’t have your back?

however, you should really seek treatment for your anxiety. There is no way you can avoid hospitals all your life.

Thank you so much for your honesty. To be fair no, i would say this is the first time he's definitely ever done this but I explained to him how careful I need to be in the sun and he understands this anyway.

What do you mean by he ‘didn’t help’?

Sorry you’re experiencing fertility problems. whatever you decide about your relationship and fertility treatment agree with PP that it’d be a good idea to seek help with your phobias.

Let me fall asleep, did not wake me to warn me about the dangers, did not take it seriously evem after I told him I was in pain and needed a doctor. He is broken about it now but for me as a person with health anxiety I know this is irreversible and something I'll now need to get checked for the rest of my life to ensure it does not develop into cancer.

Since you say what happened was unusual for him, don’t think you’re in ‘leave the bastard’ territory for the sun incident.

It was primarily your own responsibility to guard against sunburn. It would indeed have been better for him to wake you up, find you some shade, and take your pain and concerns seriously but what happened wasn’t his fault.

understand about skin cancer risk but think you’re over reacting. If you often do this over health matters it could well get wearing for your partner and explain (though not excuse) less than ideal support for you.

It's really strange that he left you to get sunburnt and not what a caring partner should do, but he clearly feels remorseful. It's not fair to hold resentment towards him for not getting you pregnant when you don't know the cause of the infertility and aren't sure you can do IVF. I think you would benefit from some therapy to work out your feelings on this.

I don’t think it was your husband’s responsibility to make sure you didn’t get sunburnt. Did he see you sleeping going red and ignored it ??

This seems a bit drastic - are you running away from everything here??

You would benefit from therapy, OP. There’s a lot going on here, about phobias, stress, bereavement, infertility, resentment etc. For instance, your blaming him for him ‘letting you’ get sunburned, coupled with the statements that you’re ’worried I’ll start to resent him’ and ‘he can’t make [me?] a mum’, sounds to me as if you’re projecting stress at your joint unexplained infertility onto him via the sunburn incident.

Which is probably understandable to an extent in the circumstances, but if the infertility is ‘unexplained’ as yet, it could be either of your bodies not playing ball.

Understand this but I wasnt feeling well and he knew this, so maybe he didn't see me but for me it's the fact he didn't do anything when he knows he should have. To your last point, perhaps I am but is it reasonable I would fell overwhelmed?

Feeling unwell or not, you’re responsible for yourself, and it sounds like a one oft.

Understandable you feel overwhelmed, as PPs say you have a lot going on. MH talking therapy could be useful.