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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Forgiving after cheating pregnant

10 replies

mamamiaa26 · 26/04/2025 08:55

Forgave my partner for cheating it finding day to day so hard being normal any tips starting to regret my decision

OP posts:
EmilyMarcel · 26/04/2025 08:57

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

redphonecase · 26/04/2025 08:58

He'll do it again. Make a clean break now and don't put him on the birth certificate or give the baby his name.

mamamiaa26 · 26/04/2025 09:24

redphonecase · 26/04/2025 08:58

He'll do it again. Make a clean break now and don't put him on the birth certificate or give the baby his name.

Exactly how I feel right now

OP posts:
neighbours123 · 26/04/2025 09:26

I’m so sorry. I would leave. I forgave this (found out right after my wedding!). He did it again a few years later when we had a 2YO. I couldn’t divorce for a year which is why I ended up forgiving post marriage, but I would never forgive cheating again.

mamamiaa26 · 26/04/2025 09:28

neighbours123 · 26/04/2025 09:26

I’m so sorry. I would leave. I forgave this (found out right after my wedding!). He did it again a few years later when we had a 2YO. I couldn’t divorce for a year which is why I ended up forgiving post marriage, but I would never forgive cheating again.

Makes it worse I am pregnant if you can do this while I am carrying your child you have no respect also putting baby at harm never know what diseases people are carrying now days I just feel disgusted but same time he is all I know been together 7 years we dreamed of this day but he has cheated at the start of the relationship I feel so let down and stupid

OP posts:
neighbours123 · 26/04/2025 18:28

This is the trouble. You can’t get any lower than that. It’s the worst of the worst. You (and your baby) deserve so much more.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 26/04/2025 18:30

Forgiving him is giving him permission to do it again. Your instincts are right.

OchreRaven · 27/04/2025 19:44

Did you mean he cheated 7 years ago when you first started your relationship and again when you are pregnant?

He won’t change. The energy you need to direct towards your baby will be spent trying to repair your relationship and it’s a waste of time as he has shown himself to be a cheater. He didn’t learn from the first time so he certainly won’t learn from the second.

I think it’s really common for men to cheat on their partners while pregnant. It’s disgusting and I’m not sure of the psychology behind it…not getting enough attention maybe? But a serious character flaw you can’t change.

something2say · 27/04/2025 19:50

I think you're in a difficult situation right now, bless you. He is not a good man if he has already cheated. No wonder you feel as you do. I think long term the relationship will fail, and probably should fail, and I'd support you in starting afresh. Can you do that while pregnant? Are you ready to do that?

If you can, I would leave. Ditch him, reframe the relationship as you will be parenting together, and cut your losses and start afresh. Nicely in time for the baby to arrive, into a nice peaceful situation where you are in control and happy.

If you cannot leave now, then reframe the relationship in your head. Start to care less, do less. Save your money, save your emotions. Bother less with him. Attend to your needs and your baby's needs. Let it all wash over you with him. Strengthen other bonds and bide your time until you can leave and start again.

There are plenty of far better men than this one, and a man who will LOVE you so much that cheating simply could not happen. Do not settle for a man whose feelings towards you are not what you could hope for in life. You can tell when a man loves you and this is not it.

He is what I read as a 'buyer beware' - you can have him if you want, but is he the best on offer, or could you find better down the road?

Men like this, sad relationships like this, make us sad and worried, we waste precious time and we operate on anxiety and restlessness - no. NOT the way to live a happy life.

GeorgianaM · 27/04/2025 20:49

Once a cheat, always a cheat if you forgive them.

By staying with him, you are telling him that despite him betraying you whilst you're carrying his child, you will forgive him.

When you tell a cheater that you think so little of yourself they too will also view you as little to no value.

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