Looking for a bit of advice or just maybe wanted to write things down somewhere to clear things up in my head. I don't have any close friends/family that I can speak to around this so often I'm just alone in my thoughts. I don't know if my feelings are valid or if it's something I should put to bed and move on from. For background, a couple of years ago my husband who I have two young children with was engaging in an inappropriate "work friendship". Nothing physical happened but there were messages and actions that crossed the line. Fast forward 2 years and it seems it's happening again. In the first occasion with the first woman, for a bit of context their "friendship" took place through my entire second pregnancy and for the first few months of me having our second child. I was gaslighted the entire time when I questioned things and made clear I was uncomfortable. I was told it was totally normal to have a friendship lwith the other sex and I just "don't get it coz I don't have any mates". It wasn't the other sex that was the issue as he has many friends who are female this just "felt" different. Breif examples before I even saw the messages are I bought him a birthday present when I was pregnant that I couldnt take part in which was a climbing outdoor activity. He took her (he says this is fine coz he also took my teenage relative with them).They met up in Manchester for a gig when he went with one of his friends. He said they had to go to the gig together and meet up beforehand as she was giving him a lift back. She turned up at one of his gigs (he's in a band) and blanked me the whole time and was slut dropping near the stage. He bought her a birthday present which I found really bizarre. I've never known a guy to buy his female colleague a birthday gift and he's never done that for anyone else before. This was done in secret ofcourse. I was told so many times it was just me a problem and no one else would find this all a bit weird. After months I knew my gut was telling me something was off so I looked at his messages and low and behold it was all crossing the line. Alot was on Snapchat which deletes so I never saw the true extent of it. There were reels sent to each other which are reels you'd share with a partner and just innaproroiate. And the odd comment telling her how good she looked in her suggestive insta pics. When it all came out he said he would never put me through those feelings again and it meant nothing etc etc. this was a really hard time for me as I was newly post partem, was juggling 2 small kids on my own as he was rarely present due to his mental health and I also was recovering from a bad birth injury. It shattered me at the time. I believed he wouldn't risk our relationship again and I tried to move on from it. fast forward two years later and I feel it is happening again. This time I'm again told by him it's totally normal and I've even been told its just part of life that men are like this with girls at work and I just am "one of the few loyal people" making it feel im just naive. So I'm asking would anyone else find these things disrespectful and crossing a line or am I clutching at straws because of what's happened before? There been reels shared- one saying "when she replies to your messages with kisses then suddenly starts replying one sentences" and a man looking gutted. He's deleted messages from her and then later archived her chat. He was messaging her constantly all through day asking what she's doing, etc etc just seemed odd when you're at home with your wife and kids to be messaging someone from work at the weekend asking about their weekend etc. I've seen messages sent to her where he's referred to her as his "work wife". There's a conversation where he's asked her if she would ever do only fans. A message sent saying "I judge from my insta algorithms you've been side hustling again -resting bitch face in lingerie" which I can only interpret as hinting at a pic he will have sent her of a woman in lingerie that he feels looks like her. I know if I confront him I'll be told it's banter or an inside joke between them I wouldn't get- that's his regular defence that makes me feel im losing it. Either way why would you message a work colleague about only fans and women in lingerie? I'm worried if I bring it up he will downplay it all and say it's all "banter" and I have issues for looking at his messages. Then all I've achieved is looking a fool myself. I appreciate i may be judged for looking at messages but when you've been in a situation where your gut has told you something, youve looked into it before and been validated, it's hard not to act on it again. Im just so fed up of feeling inferior as he seems to continue a pattern of wanting validation off other women. It also really humiliates me that these women must pitty the woman who's husband letches after them. Is it too much to ask for just some respect and not message other girls things that are just suggestive and a bit creepy. Or is this harmless conversation and am I being too naive/paranoid? I just expect more out of ten year marriage and two children. And I expect more respect after he betrayed my trust last tome. It just hurts a lot to think how hurt he saw me last time and to feel he's doing it again without a thought for me. I feel he just can't possibly care about my feelings or love me in that way else why would he continue to seek validation from other women in this way? Or is this something best left unmentioned and hope it doesn't escalate and im reading into things...