Does your partner ever ignore you when you speak?

[Tespondent]

I don't know if IABU and I just talk too much. Or if I'm being perfectly reasonable and my partner is just incredibly rude and disrespectful.

He frequently ignores or doesn't acknowledge me when I speak, and it's so demoralising. I have spoke to him about it on several occasions and he says "well I didn't have anything to say".

Example from today - I'm doing the garden and noticed one of my plants (ornamental orchid) has started to sprout again and it's multiplied. It had 2 shoots last year and this year there is 3.

I'm chatting telling me partner this and he doesn't even look up from his phone.

This happens at least once a day if not more. I might aswell be mute or just speak to myself.

AIBU to want an acknowledgement, even a short "oh very nice" or "mmmm" and a nod would suffice.

Well OP knows him best 😂

My ex used to do this to me all the time, he was never interested in anything I had to say.
My sister also does this on a regular basis, every now and then is fine but when it’s constant it does make you feel demoralised.

I think it's the phone.
You should have a chat about doing zoning out activities when in each others company. Sometimes you want a good scroll but if you're sitting in the same room as someone else it's polite to 'excuse yourself'

https://www.gottman.com/blog/an-introduction-to-emotional-bids-and-trust/

This kind of behaviour is humiliating and very damaging to a relationship. It’s one of the (many) reasons I ended my marriage.

The people I ignore or don't respond to are people I'm not interested in. He doesn't talk to you, he info dumps on you.

I’ve caught myself doing this - but not on purpose. My family have said I have periods where I “zone out” but only if they are talking to me when I’m focusing on something else. I hate to say it - because I don’t have any plans to get a diagnosis - but I wonder if I’m neurodiverse as I’ve always hyper focused. And I find it very frustrating that I frustrate them by blanking out and not hearing something they’ve said.

I’ve always been introverted so I have really taught myself “how to be social” - I’m not sure if that makes sense at all - but I often remove distractions to really listen to people as my mind is always on overdrive.

I say this because my partner and child might say “were you listening” - and annoyingly sometimes I’ve zoned out and haven’t heard anything. So they just repeat it. I wouldn’t say it happens all the time, as I generally really enjoy having conversations with them and I’d say 90% of the time I’m engaging in conversation, replying back etc. but I’ll have the odd 10% where they’ve picked up this “social trait”.

Yes, it can appear rude - but I’m sharing this perspective as sometimes it can be the way one’s mind works. I’m sure it isn’t done on purpose.

Something that happened at the beginning of our relationship was we had conversations about how we respond and what communications style annoy us. This has helped as we know each others boundaries.

When he does it, and you pull him up on it, do you get the sense that it’s just the way he is, or he is doing it on purpose.

Ha sometimes. I’d be suggesting we might go to X pub the next day for lunch and he’d do a non commital ‘mmm-hmm’. Then five minutes later say ‘hey how about we go to X pub tomorrow’? I’d just laugh and say ‘good idea’! I would tease him about it. Anyway just say ‘John’, make sure he’s looking at you, then say whatever. Frankly if he’s not interested in the state of your orchids (or whatever) he has just tuned you out. I would zone out if my DH went on and on about his football team. ..

I'd stop calling him out and start mimicking his behaviour back at him, but don't say that's what your doing, just disengage, be happy and content doing your own thing, when he tries to speak to you...bam give him a taste of his own medicine, if he questions it, just act oblivious.